Random Personal Hygiene Moment I

Random Personal Hygiene Moment
I smoke. I drink a lot of coffee and I wouldn't say my teeth are totally yellow, but yeah, they could be a little brighter. So in typical American OCD fashion, I've decided to whiten my teeth. Well, not really decided as in I weighed the pros and cons and made an informed choice, no it was really more of an impulse thing while at the supermarket. I stumbled onto those Crest White Strips and thought what the hell.. why not.

At checkout, I casually glanced at the screen as The Gal (that's what I call her - my checkout gal) rang them up and I nearly had a heart attack! $30! Holy crap! Oh well, if I tell her I don't want them now, she's going to be staring at my teeth for the duration of this transaction, and so will bag boi (she's cute!). I'm already self conscious enough about my teeth. They're a tad crooked. I never had braces as a kid. And though I've often thought about getting braces as an adult, I've chosen to live with the rack god gave me. But I should at least make the best of what I've got.

So now, $30 later, I am experiencing my first application as I type this. It's totally freaking me out! I look like some rabid beast foaming at the mouth. Is this supposed to happen?!? There's nothing in the directions about "copious amounts of bubbling saliva" just a line about a possible "tingling" sensation, which in my case feels more like I just bit down on a 220V live wire. Is this some sign that I have neglected serious dental care for too long? When I asked the missus "ifsh dish shupposhed ta vuvvle like dish?" She stared at me blankly for 10 seconds then said "say this: 'Silly Sally says she shall sew sheets!'" "Ha ha ha - that'sh sho funny!" and I went to go wipe the drool off my shirt.

I'll let you know how it goes.