Florida: A State that Sinks

Florida: A State that Sinks

While in Orlando I witnessed (on TV) an interesting geological phenomenon. This only confirms my belief that Florida will slowly, or suddenly, sink into the ocean and only the tip of the Magic Kingdom Castle will be visible, on a clear day, from Georgia.

Aside from my brother and his family, who I ADORE, I have but one question to those of you from the Sunshine State: Why in your right mind would you choose to live in such a mold ridden, stinking, sinking pit of a state? People think I am crazy for living here in the desert. But in the desert, we don't have to power wash our roof every year because of the mildew build up. We can actually breath when we go outside. We don't have alligators eating our children. We don't have torrential rains and hurricanes. We don't live in fear that any moment now, the earth may open up and swallow us whole! (okay - so there is the whole earthquake thing, and yes - technically, the earth could open up and swallow us, but that's not my point!) Here in the desert, we are more of an "Adult Resort Destination" and I like it that way. We don't have obese tourists and their hordes of screaming offspring on our inbound flights.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to tell people how to raise their children, because I really have no clue. And yes, I have been changed by the birth of my niece. I no longer look at the parents of small children with that "Can't you check them with the rest of your luggage, so that I can enjoy my Mile High Martini in some semblance peace and quiet?" kind of way. I look at the children and their parents with a certain degree of sympathy now. BUT - they must actively try and control their children in public places! Ignoring them at home may be fine and dandy, but for gods sake, at least try to do SOMETHING to calm them on a plane. Don't just sit there and pretend that my ears aren't bleeding from the precious child's blood curdling screams. Give them a cracker or something! Good God.

Whew - got that out of my system.

Now, how fucking wonderful is room service? I love it. I'll gladly pay $24.95 for a burger and beer to have it delivered to my room on a tray while I watch the $11.00 "The Royal Tenenbaums" on Spectravision. It's the little things.

Here's a tip though, when returning to your room at 12:30am from the lobby bar, DO NOT DRINK AND DIAL! Take it from me, if you have even a slight buzz going, you may overlook the 55% surcharge they add to already inflated long distance charges and decide to call your wife direct and talk to her for over an hour only to discover upon check-out that the aforementioned phone call is going to cost you $121.73!! Kind makes the $24 burger look like a bargain...