2/19/99

Happy Friday Everyone! This week's wrap is full of annoying things things to do when you're bored! (The Pizza Parlor Follow-up!)

As always - If you would like to be removed from this list, just drop me a line!

Cheers- MJ

Creative Ways to Have Extra-Special Fun at Walmart
* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, "I need some tampons."
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy"
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
* Put M&M's on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath
* Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
* Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with GI Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Gray Poupon.
* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
* Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
* In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me! Pick me!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
* Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.


Even more....
WAYS TO BE ANNOYING IN THE FAST FOOD DRIVE THRU
* Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
* Drive through backwards.
* After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
* Walk through.
* Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
* Repeat everything the order-taker says.
* Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please".
* In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.
* When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.
* Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.
* Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.
* If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".
* Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.


From the "I cant make this stuff up" Files....
Pop star Mariah Carey was one of the first celebrities to comment on the death of the King of Jordan. Mariah told CNN "I'm inconsolable at the present time, I was a very good friend of Jordan, he was probably the greatest basketball player this country has ever seen, we will never see his likeness again". When told by reporters that it was King Hussein of Jordan who had died and not Michael Jordan, Mariah was then led away by her security in a state of "confusion".


MORE CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU'LL NEVER SEE
"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets"
"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"Dad's New Wife Timothy"
"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"


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A snail gets mugged by a turtle. The police come out and say "what'd the guy look like?" Snail says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast..."