September 13, 2003
Ah neighbors.
You can't pick 'em, can't shoot them. Some might dispute that last part but I tend to follow the letter of the law in that regard.
I was going to write about the Twin Peaks episode we starred in last night but I can't begin to put into words what we witnessed, so you're getting a little neighbor story instead.
We live in what's often described as a "transitional" neighborhood. When we first bought here, our street was shit hole, shit hole, shit hole, nice house, shit hole, shit hole. We bought a shit hole and made it a nice house. Many homes followed suit and now it's turned around for the most part. There are a few hold out shit holes. One being directly across the street from us.
That house has always been trouble. Once inhabited by Uncle Joe, as the old man was known to us. We never knew him that well but we'd give a cordial wave and I got to know his son, Mike, who once offered me some sage firearms advice. We helped each other out with a jump now and again kind of thing.
While we were friendly, we were never friends. It was obvious to me that our lives were very different. Not to sound too classist but, yeah, they are small town, undereducated and short on cash. Some might refer to them as trash. And they are white. So you do the math. Alcohol is a breakfast staple over there. When Mike took his breaks from working as a bagger at the grocery store, he'd come by and visit Pop and have a beer - at 9:00 in the morning.
Well Uncle Joe had a stroke last year and passed away a few months ago. Now the daughter has moved into the house with about 12 of her closest tweeker buddies. I have no idea what's going on over there, but it's not pretty. The screaming goes on all hours of the day and night. "Fuck you you fucking fuck head ass hole. I'm going to send your faggot ass back to jail" (yes BACK to jail, she said) is standard fare.
We had some friends over recently and when I open the front door they looked like deer caught in the headlights "What the HELL is going on over there?" they asked. Wouldn't I like to know...
And the cars... Lord the cars. At any given moment there are 4-5 cars parked willy nilly in the front yard. Gotta love the yellow pick up with a set of old tires in the back and the word "PARTY" spray painted in black on the bumper. Nothing says "I've got a 40 .oz between my knees and a .38 in the glove box. Is that my parole officer? Shit!" quite like that... Not to mention this LOVELY parking job. Apparently the front door was just too far from the driveway when they got home from the bar last night...
There are kids too... and that concerns me. I'd call CPS but I don't think that any of them are in danger. And I fear that if the "parents" ever found out they'd come after me. Yeah, they scare me a little like that. At least I've seen the kids go to school in the morning.
So we'll wait. It can't last long as I've heard a rumor that the rightful owner of the house (someone in AZ) doesn't even know the old man's dead and these guys are just using it as party central until someone finds out. So we'll wait and keep our mouths shut and hopefully no one will get shot.
Posted by MJ at September 13, 2003 11:32 AMcrikey...I thought our neighbors were bad. tsk tsk tsk...
Posted by: Texasyankee at September 13, 2003 11:46 AMThat is some incredible parking job!
Posted by: :: jozjozjoz :: at September 13, 2003 11:47 AMI don't envy you your neighbors but I do envy you that climate. The dodgy parking picture just reminds me why I love CA so much.
It's a shame really that it is such a fecked up state because it is so beautiful.
Posted by: Andy at September 13, 2003 11:49 AMJaysus, woman, you'd better hope they didn't spot you taking pictures of them.
(And I love how you made a big deal of going BACK to jail...that was quite adorable, actually.)
Posted by: natalie at September 13, 2003 12:00 PMand the curious want to know........what did you witness last night?
Posted by: uh-oh, him at September 13, 2003 12:32 PMYeah, CA is a tad fecked up, but it's home!
Natalie - I thought about that. I was actually quite careful to use my patented "I'm just messing around. How the hell does this newfangled digital (with handy LCD window so it doesn't look like I'm taking a picture) camera thing work? Ooops I think I took a picture." technique.
As for you Mr. Uh-Oh. The whole thing was your idea so don't play coy with me! You're like a freak magnet!
Posted by: MJ at September 13, 2003 01:17 PMMJ do you have a PI license? I don't think you're allowed to use the "messin' around with this thing-a-ma-jig" ploy without a proper license. ;^)
CRAPPY neighbor syndrome -- don't let it happen to you! I live in a "shit hole - nice house - shit hole" neighborhood myself and have often stood at the window looking out for several minutes before attempting a drive away. In fact, my bedroom window pane has a hole that looks *suspiciously* like a gun shot hole. I like to think of it as "ghetto chic."
Posted by: Mopsie at September 13, 2003 01:45 PMOh yeah - I'd forgotten about the first little teaser there...I was distraced by my wasting away in white-trashville.
Dish, sister, dish. Your public demands it.
I'm picturing you sucking on a corncob pipe in a rocking chair, whittling a small toy boat out of a larger toy boat, spinning yarns. This is fun, grandpa - tell us another story!!!
Posted by: natalie at September 13, 2003 01:47 PMYeah, yeah! What Natalie said!
Posted by: Mopsie at September 13, 2003 01:49 PMIf I didn't know any better, I'd swear you live in my neighborhood! *grin* The easy answer to this: drive to your nearest pay phone and call the cops whenever it gets too loud. Then no one can trace it back to you. Call often.
Posted by: Nicole at September 13, 2003 02:11 PMOh...it isn't for the lack of words that MJ can't tell the tales of last night. It would just take too many adjectives in one sentance, and I don't think the average reader would still get the picture. The one saving grace is there were no cameras, or would that have been such a bad thing for those memory-impaired! But fear not friends of MJ...please push her to tell the tale of woes. It ends with a bang!!!
Posted by: MJS at September 13, 2003 03:08 PMSpill it, lady! Don't make me whoop that little ass of yours.
Unless that's your thing. In which case, don't make me NOT whip that little ass of yours!
Grrr...I bet she's away being all social and having adventures and stuff without us.
I think MJS and Uh-Oh need to get a blog so that THEY can tell us the stories. How about it, eh?
Posted by: natalie at September 13, 2003 03:34 PMWow! My exciting adventure with a "neighbor" sounds so tame in comparison...
Last night, after coming home from a YMCA board meeting, I couldn't enter my home for a skunk was hanging out on my stoop.
I think he was waiting for my cat to come out and play...
Thank god I'd left the front screen door open. (Which is odd in itself, because NO ONE, and I mean Nobody! in Vermont ever uses their front door...I do not know why...I do not ask, because it would tag me as a "flat lander"...I just use the side door like everyone else.)
After sitting in my car for several minutes, I was able to bolt up to the front door and slip inside without getting blasted by my aromatic "neighbor". I quickly slammed on the outside lights, and skunky just as quickly scuttled away.
New Cain-Fitzgerald Family rule: When leaving home for the evening ALWAYS leave the porch light on.
Cyndi
Try living at Camp Sister Spirit with my wonderful neighbors...trade you!
Posted by: Andie at September 25, 2003 03:17 PMI found this page during a Google search for "bad neighbor pictures". I have an ever-growing collection of neighbors from Hell links on my site and in my blog.
My approach to bad neighbors is to record audio of them and share it on my website. I also show how it is done, and encourage others to do the same.
I have added a link to this page in my 2/1 blog entry.
Posted by: Richard at February 1, 2004 05:25 PM
