Maybe it was a dream...

Cracking under pressure, I will try and describe last night to you but it was so bizarre that I'm fairly certain it's not going to translate well. It was kind of one of those "had to be there" things...

It all started out innocently enough.

John (Oh, Him) and Doug invited us to join them for a tour of a couple of their favorite haunts with the rest of the Usual Suspects; Rich and Michael (MJS), the Erb and William and Robert.

The plan was simple. A couple of drinks for happy hour at Cedar Creek Inn, get out before the god awful music started and walk across the street to Banducci's. For the entertainment there, it was promised, would FAR exceed anything we might see at Cedar Creek.

We arrived just in time to watch the senior set stroll in for the early bird specials. Early bird specials are HUGE around here. And these people take them seriously. Happy hour was quite affordable with call liquor at $3 each, well drinks $2. As Rich said, "Do you have any idea how wasted I could get here on $20? This place is fantastic!"

During the second round it became obvious that there was a hitch in our plan as we were audibly assaulted by the piano player who launched into a full 20 minute cheese ball version of Rhapsody in Blue. Funniest part was watching Michael (MJS), who works for United, starting to glaze over half way through the song. I think they use Rhapsody in Blue to brainwash their employees because he slowly began to wax poetic about how great United was and how much he loved his job. I thought maybe he was just drunk at first, but now I am convinced it's a case of brainwashing by Gershwin.

We quickly settled up the bill and headed across the street to Banducci's. I've driven past this place a million times and was always curious about it. When John and Doug said it was their secret hang out (stumbling distance to their front door) I was psyched to check it out with some regulars.

Oh Dear God in Heaven.

This my friends, is where the night took a turn. Walking in the front door was like walking onto a movie set. This could not be real. John and Doug described it best when they said "David Lynch could not CREATE this place if he tried." And they were so right.

It was an eerie time warp. The smell: musty and dusty, with a hint of natural gas. The decor: blood red Italian kitsch meets Goodwill basement. The crowd: large hideous grotesque creatures who were somehow beautiful and creepy and chilling and fascinating. And the lighting was perfect. I wasn't sure there would be enough alcohol in the world to get us all through it.

The place is split in two. One side is the restaurant, closely guarded by "Mother" - the peculiar 70 year old daughter of the now deceased owner. Mother carefully watches over her dining patrons while seated at a podium with a glass of scotch.

The other side is the bar/piano bar. This was our destination. We ordered some food and sat at a long red banquette facing the white piano and watched as the evenings entertainment filed in. Not a soul was under 70 years old. And they were all curiously irregular. Each one presented themselves as if they were still in their glamourous heyday. A perpetual state of denial. I think that was the creepy part. They didn't know they were old. Really old. And they were all somehow caricatures of the people they were 40 years ago. In that Baby Jane Hudson kinda way...

Wow. I just had to sit with that for a minute.

Okay, so apparently the deal is they all come in every night to sing karaoke around the piano. Rich thought it would be funny to tell them that it was his and the missus' anniversary and that she would like to sing "My Funny Valentine". The missus was starting to protest when a 6' tall seventy year old woman with long black hair, dressed in a full length white satin gown and black fur stole came over, reached over the table and grabbed a slice of our pizza without asking and walked away.

It was about this time that Herman Munster in a really bad toupee launched into "Blue Suede Shoes". The waitress then delivered an armload of maraca's to our table. We were to all join in the fun. Alrighty then. Shake shake shake. "Jesus God in Heaven - We need more DRINKS HERE!"

Like a train wreck, one after another they all got up to sing. I couldn't look away. So fascinated was I by the freakish spectacle that at one point I just sat there slack-jawed for at least 5 minutes. I was hyp-mo-tized. It was all moving in slow motion. Then John shook me out of it. It was time to go. I didn't want the movie to end!

We all rallied for an impromptu party at The Erbs swanky bachelor pad following our Twin Peaks experience. Everyone (except the drivers) got shitfaced which was almost as entertaining as Banducci's. At some point a few of us ended up naked in a not-so-hot tub and someone broke the pink faerie princess wand I picked up at Rite Aid on the way there. That was SO not cool, John. I know it was you. I expect a replacement ;)

There you have it. Just an average Friday night in Palm Springs... Not sure where we're going tonight but I doubt it could beat that!