My name is MJ and I make stupid bets.

Hi MJ!

My tale of woe begins with a guy named Marty. (it actually beings here... but that's another story)

Marty lives around the corner from me. I'm not sure what house exactly, as I've only spoken to him in front of my house as he walks his pathetic old dog in the morning. He's an older guy (60-ish) but very charming and talkative.

For some unknown reason, he seems to think my name is Marty too and I've never bothered to correct him. Maybe he thinks we have some kind of cosmic kinship in our names - but to me he's just a guy who's a little off his rocker and lives around the corner.

He's also a HUGE sports fan and because I have a giant MSU Spartan flag flying out front, has yanked my chain for the last year or so about Michigan State and the Big Ten.

All this was rather harmless of course until about 3 weeks ago...

That was the weekend of the Michigan Michigan State game. Marty knocked on the front door. He wanted to propose a friendly wager. I wasn't home so he spoke with the missus in a code she didn't understand and she had to write it down.

The scrap of paper read "Tell Marty I'll take Michigan for 5 and give her 5. She'll know what I'm talking about."

And of course I did. And I took the bet. You'd think I would have learned. Betting is a sure fire jinx for me, yet so enticing.

I lost.

Next time I saw him I had my $5 in hand and he said "No - Keep it! Let's go again next week with Ohio State! Whatever the line is in the paper - you got it. By the end of the season I'm gonna own that flag! Ha ha ha!"

"Ha ha - You're not getting my flag Marty, but I'll take the bet!"

I lost. Fuck!

So now I really want to pay the guy his $10 and just get it over with - enough already. But no... What do I do? I go all or nothing with him on the Wisconsin game.

So now every day this week he's tossed my morning paper up on my doorstep with little smarmy notes attached. This morning it was a friggin' poem. I have to share...

"I'm in a daze I don't know what to do
The line of the game now has Wisconsin minus two

There is nothing to do but to wait and brag
I just can't wait to get the big green flag

I don't want the car, house, or the Jeep
Cause when I see you, I'll start to weep

The thing I want is up the pole
So I guess today I'll start digging the hole

I took from you what you really did crave
But around the block the green did wave."

He's no Robert Frost but the message is there loud and clear. This fucking loonytoon is going to steal my flag!! What have I gotten myself into? This is not good! To top it off, I've totally jinxed my team!!

Learn from this my friends. Our mothers were right. Gambling is the evilest of evils and leads nowhere except down a long and sordid road to a flagless skid row!

Now excuse me while I go take that Gamblers Anonymous quiz and put a goddamn padlock on my fucking flag!

WooHoo - Go Spartans!!