Whatever you do, don't mention the arson incident

So I received a request for a character reference today.

Fuck me.

Don't get me wrong I adore this woman but shit be'jeebus I've never had to write one of these kinds of letters before. Sure I've written letters for former employees, letters for co-workers, forged letters from "former employers" - you know the usual, but never one for a friend.

Until now...

So what does one do when faced with such a task? Google it!

I've found that there is a preponderance of sample "How to Write a Character Reference Letter for Use in Sentencing in Canada" (in Canada even) but I've yet to find one that works in my situation...

Anyone want to send me a template letter for an old boarding school roommate who you might have been (most likely, yeah okay, admit it, you were) in love with but for the past 20 years you've lived 2000 miles apart but are the godmother to her children?

C'mon - I know someone out there has one...