Anonymous Socks

A gentle reminder to always wear clean underwear and good socks. Because you just never know what wicked stranger might be wandering the ER triage area armed with a camera phone. I'm just sayin'...

Three of us spent a good 6 hours in the Eisenhower ER last night with a friend who had a severe sinus infection threatening to turn into meningitis and make his head explode right there in front of us! I kid, it was pretty serious and a little scary there for a while.

ER's are certainly not my favorite place to spend a Tuesday night, but we managed to keep ourselves quite entertained in the lobby.

I haven't been to the emergency in quite some time and I'd forgotten the myriad of ailments that walk through the doors. While the old folks were mildly entertaining with their lack of control over basic bodily functions (I was very impressed by one gentleman's ability to repeatedly fart and open mouth yawn at the same time, I wasn't sure which end the noise kept emanating from - quite a trick!) last night the stars of the show were definitely the vomiting children. I swear at least 8 came though the doors in various stages of regurgitation.

But being the true entrepreneurs that we are, we put our marketing heads together and came up with a plan to launch a line of toys that would make these poor children feel better about having to be in the hospital at 2:00 in the morning (because we care... that's why!).

Here's the pitch: (these are all proprietary by the way - with new and improved patent pending projectile technology)

Pukin' Patty and Chuckin' Charlie are sure to put a smile on little Lindsey's crusted cheeks. If that doesn't do the trick, there's always Vomiting Veronica, her gal pal Retching Rebecca and the ubiquitous boyfriend Hurlin' Harry. Not into flying fluids? How about my personal favorite: Ear Infection Emily - Her lifelike screams will bring tears to your eyes.

I know, I know - but trust me, it was fucking HILARIOUS at the time. You do what you have to do to get through the night. Even if it means 5 year old little chocolate donuts (correction: Donettes®) from the vending machine.

And who knew that Carson Daly had a frickin late night show? I hadn't seen him in a while and frankly, he looked a little pale on the circa 1978 console television . I think he needs more potassium. 50 cc's STAT!

Ah, but all's well that ends well. Our dear friend is still in a lot of pain but he'll live. He's currently home resting uncomfortably in a Vicodin induced haze because the morphine has worn off.

Nurse!