HOW TO SURVIVE COLLEGE!
* Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
* Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.
* Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
* Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
* Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
* If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
* Boring lecture? Start a wave!
* College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
* "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity.
* Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
* Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
* Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
* In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.
and the Number 1 Tip for Surviving College...
* Don't think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
WHO'S AFRAID OF SATAN?
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Hondo, Texas got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving . . seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid ofme?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK JEDI KNIGHT IF... (C.F.)
(Only 19 days until the Phantom Menace!)
1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.
5. You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok
7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.
8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
12. Your father has ever said to you, "Dang, son come on over to the darkside...it'll be a hoot."
13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
14. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
15. You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.
16. You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
17. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
18. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
19. You ever fell in love with your sister.
20. You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
21. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
22. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a red wood deck.
23. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
24. In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow "just ain't right."
AMERICA'S STUPIDEST CRIMINALS
Mega Moron Awards
Here are the award winning stories from criminals by state or city:
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and GIVES you money, was a crime committed?]
Florida: [Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started.
The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fxxk-up!"
Arkansas: This guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the purse snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the thief. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer... that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Seattle: When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Ann Arbor : The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
Newark: A woman reported her car stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone, and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
BLONDE JOKE OF THE WEEK
A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse.
The horse gallops along seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from unconsciousness when the Wal-Mart Manager runs out to shut the horse off.
FUN FACTS
* The dot over the letter " i " is called a tittle.
* The longest one-syllable words in the English language are "screeched" and "strengths."
* "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
* Almonds are members of the peach family.
* Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
* The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
* "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and end with the letters "und."
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Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes!
Greetings from your intrepid gatherer of odd, twisted and occasionally funny stuff! Have a great weekend!! - MJ
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING "JOB BURN-OUT"
10. You're so tired, you now answer the phone with "Go to Hell."
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Stop asking me all these damn questions!"
8. Your garbage bin IS your "In" box.
7. You wake up to discover your house is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You consider a 40-hour week a vacation.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You don't set your alarm anymore because you know your pager will go off before your alarm does.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. Your DayRunner/Work Planner spontaniously exploded a week ago.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.......
BLONDE JOKE OF THE WEEK
Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?
The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.
The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.
The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"
TOP TEN OLD FOLKS PARTY GAMES
10. Musical Recliners
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
8. Hide and Go Pee
7. Simon Says Something Incoherent
6. Doc, Doc Goose
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over
4. Kick the Bucket
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
1. Sag, You're It!
TOP TEN THINGS THE AMISH DO ON SPRING BREAK
10. Drink molasses 'til you heave
9. Wet bonnet contest
8. Stuff as many guys as you can into a buggy
7. Buttermilk kegger
6. Blow past the Dairy Queen on a really kewl Clydesdale
5. Get a tattoo that reads: Born to raise barns
4. Cruise the streets of Franklin shouting insults at people w/zippers.
3. Sleep in 'til 6
2. Drive over to Allenville and kick some Mennonite butt
and the #1 Amish spring break activity
1. Churn butter naked
HOW TO PLEASE A FEMME
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her...
HOW TO PLEASE A BUTCH
Show up naked, bring beer.
BUBBA CALLS 911 Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
DEEP THOUGHTS:
I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all get along?
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
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Choosy perverts choose GIF
Happy Friday all!
Spring has Sprung or maybe we just skipped spring all together and launched summer v1.999 - at any rate... hope everyone gets out and enjoys the weather! Here's your trusty reliable Friday Fishwrap. Thanks to this weeks contributors: papa Joe B. and cuz Mary Jo! (is my family funny or what?!) Have a great one! MJ
1999 DARWIN AWARDS (J.B.)
Once again we have a slate of outstanding candidates for the Darwin Awards, given posthumously to those selfless individuals who seek to improve the human species by the elimination of inferior genetic stock - namely their own!
GRAVITY KILLS
A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after he tried to use occy straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said. Fairfax County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped ... and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma." An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.
LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY ...
Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming fourth of July holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks. Their only real problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, some fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles and miles. They were launched, no doubt, countless thousands of feet into the air and were found dead 250 yards from their respective seats.
DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
A lawyer [ ! ] and two of his buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in Texas. A lightning storm hit the lake and most of the fisherman immediately headed for the shore. But not our friend the lawyer. He was alone on the rear of his aluminum bass boat and his buddies were in the front. This gentleman stood up, spread his arms wide (crucifixion style) and shouted: "HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!" Needless to say, God delivered [well, you would, wouldn't you?]. The other two passengers on the boat survived and are said to have immediately joined the Ministry.
CATCH!
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened from here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate) was hospitalized.
THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU .
Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was killed by his cell phone ..more or less. He was doing the usual "walking and talking" when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his neck. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drive and dial at the same time.
GIMME A LIGHT!
Several years ago, in a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket, and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife already knows everything.
TRUE STORY? OR BLONDE JOKE OF THE WEEK. YOU DECIDE.
I saw a distraught young woman crying beside her car ('97 Honda Accord) on 24th St.. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I... I don't know.. I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door thing. I have to pick up my son, but now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to the Radio Shack across the street) would have a battery for this?"
"Hmmm, I don't know, probably. Are you sure the car alarm is set?" I asked.
"I don't have a car alarm, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it **and the car keys** to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I thought, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk." but what I really said was "There you go, have your dealership take a look at the remote 'thingy' - they'll figure it out, I'm sure."
FUN FACTS
* All of the clocks in Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
* The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
* A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
* In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
* The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence Oz."
* The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."
TOP 21 GOOD THINGS ABOUT HELL (M.J.B.)
21. None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.
20. Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.
19. Your "Do you smell something burning?" slays 'em, year after year.
18. Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.
17. Newly passed law: Three strikes and you're back in LA.
16. Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.
15. No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole's election chances.
14. Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry* heat.
13. Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!
12. The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathie Lee Show".
11. Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.
10. Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.
9. Everywhere you look, there's a smoking section!
8. Big step up from Bakersfield.
7. Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.
6. Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80's).
5. Now that you've followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.
4. 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!
3. Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.
2. Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
1. Fortune to be made on "Welcome, O.J." t-shirts.
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All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power
The Friday Fishwrap - Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different... Have a fantasic weekend!! Cheers- MJ
USEFUL WORK PHRASES
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
TRUE STORIES
Carjacking Foiled: A True Story
An elderly lady did her shopping, and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she 'knows how to use it and that she will if required'.... 'so get out of the car.'
The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.
Small problem - her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four/five spaces further down! She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly white woman......no charges were filed.
KIDS ON MARRIAGE
HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."
Kally, age 9
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."
Allan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.... God decides it all way before, and you got to find out later who you're stuck with."
Kirsten, age 10
CONCERNING THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!"
Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at.... You got to be a fool to get married!"
Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."
Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids."
Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.... Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."
Lynnette, age 8
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
Martin, age 10
WHAT THE CHILDREN WOULD DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR
"I'd run home and play dead.... The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."
Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich!"
Pam, age 7
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
Curt, age 7
"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.... It's the right thing to do."
Howard, age 8
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing...I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out!"
Theodore, age 6
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!"
Anita, age 9
"Single is better ... for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers... Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing."
Kirsten, age 10
WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR A YOUNG COUPLE ABOUT TO BE MARRIED?
"The first thing I'd say to them is: 'Listen up, youngins... I got something to say to you. Why in the heck do you wanna get married, anyway?'"
Craig, age 9
WHAT PROMISES DO A MAN AND A WOMAN MAKE WHEN THEY GET MARRIED?
"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together."
Marlon, age 10
HOW TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!"
Ricky, age 7
"If you want to last with your man, you should wear a lot of sexy clothes.... Especially underwear that is red and maybe has a few diamonds on it."
Lori, age 8
GETTING MARRIED FOR A SECOND TIME
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than one to find a live one."
Angie L., age 10
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
Kelvin, age 8
"You can be sure of one thing - the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now!"
Roberta, age 7
BLONDE JOKE OF THE WEEK
A Blonde goes out for a walk and comes to a river bank. She sees another blonde on the other side of the river. First blonde shouts to her "Yoo hoo! How do I get to the other side of this river?" Blonde no.2 pauses, looks both ways and yells back "You are on the other side!!"
FUN FACTS
* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
* You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider
* Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star
* Most American car horns honk in the key of F