Friday Fishwrap

Fast cars for slow minds.

In the midst of a fabulous party-filled Dinah Shore Weekend, I also had to squeeze in the NCAA Tourney because my boys (yes MY boys, I own them in my head) were well on their way to the final four. So yesterday afternoon, 3 of us cut out of the big SPLASH! pool party at the Wyndham to catch the game and check out the new sports bar in town, Buckets.

Seeing as there were two really big games on yesterday, I thought the bar would be packed, but no, it was basically empty. And all 15 TV's were tuned to NASCAR. We scratched our heads and politely asked the bartender if there was a chance she could turn on the basketball game. "What game?"

"Uh, the NCAA? College basketball? Big round orange ball, they have to put it through a hoop?" (I mumbled the last part.)

"Oh, didn't know there was any basketball on." She says and goes back to washing glasses. The place is called BUCKETS and she didn't know that there was BASKETBALL! I looked back and forth to my friends who were equally as confused and I asked again. "So, uh... any chance you could turn it on for us?"

"What? Oh.. you'll have to ask the guys." Now, there are only 4 guys in the place and they are riveted, rivet-ed to the big fast cars going around a tiny little race track.

"Well, there are what? 15 TV's here? Maybe you could just turn one onto CBS? How 'bout that one in the back?"

"You'll have to ask the guys. They're local." ... "So are we." I said. "They come here all the time." She snapped back at me. "You only opened two weeks ago. Maybe I would come here all the time too, if I COULD WATCH SOME FUCKING BASKETBALL YOU MORON!" I said on the inside.

On the outside I said "Okay, I'll ask them." ... "Hey, would it be alright with you guys if the bartender turn one of the TV's to the Michigan State-Texas game?"

They just kind of "Wha?" stared at us blankly. I repeated the request slowly but they still looked as if I was speaking a foreign language. So being the diplomat that I am, I put it into tiny words they could understand...

"I'll buy you a pitcher of beer if we can turn one of the TV's to CBS."

"Oh, sure! No problem. Cool." And they went back to watching lap 37.

So I sent over a pitcher, we ordered some wings and quickly got down to business. We screamed, we cursed, we high fived and the guys didn't seem to mind. They had their free beer and their NASCAR and 3 "single" girls jumping up and down.

Then reality came crashing down on our little green and white corner of the bar. MSU lost. They were pretty good, better than anyone expected, but they weren't good enough. There's always next year. blah blah blah... But for the time being, how 'bout them Golden Eagles?

"Wha?"

This Just In

CNN reports that the Allied Forces have just deployed a new top secret weapon. Ed McMahon could not be reached for comment.

You're pretty! Will you marry me?

A woman I know... let's call her Linda, is drop dead gorgeous. Not pretty, not good looking. Gorgeous. Stunning. She's also the nicest, sweetest and somewhat shy, woman you'll ever meet.

While waiting for a few friends in the parking lot last night, I saw Linda standing in line to get into the club. I hesitated going over to her because I knew exactly what was going to happen.

I like to think I'm suave, charming and engaging. Usually I don't have problems talking to gorgeous women. But whenever I am around Linda, I turn into a blithering idiot. There's something about her that turns me into bumbling, stumbling, stuttering, bug-eyed Jerry Lewis. And last night was no exception.

I sucked it up and decided to say go over and hello. "Just don't say something stupid!" was the mantra running through my head. It's hard to screw up "Hey! How ya doing?" So far so good! Linda was glad to see me and gave me a hug and a peck and asked "What's going on?"

That's where it all fell apart.

Me: "Me? I'm just waiting for.. uh.. some friends. My... uh friends are coming to... uh, join me. I have some friends... friends I'm waiting for. What what what are you doing?"
Linda: "I'm just waiting to go into the club!" she says with a shrug.
Me: "Cool! Me too! So, are you all ready for the big weekend?" (Christ... do I have to be so... enthusiastic?)

Here's where I tried to take a hit off my cigarette and fumbled it on my lips and fingers and dropped it on the ground - smooth.)

Linda: "Yeah - I took the whole week off. I even skipped out of jury duty - what are they gonna do? Come arrest me?"
Me: "Ha ha ha ha ha! Well, yeah, actually they might. I once had jury duty. It a murder trial blah blah blah blah blah...."

She starts looking around for someone to come save her. I was trying to dig the cover charge out of my pocket when I dropped 67¢ in what might as well have been all pennies on the ground. I proceeded to kneel and pick them up while continuing on with my riveting jury duty story. Idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. Just shut the fuck up MJ!

It gets worse.

Being the Mensa candidate that I am, I decided that rather than wait for my "friends" in the parking lot, as planned, I'd try and salvage this conversation and follow her into the club. Once inside she is immediately mobbed by a large group of her out of town buddies and quickly disappears. Now I am alone. In a large nightclub. Waiting for my "friends" to show up. I grab a beer and sit by myself for 45 minutes waiting... She must have come by 3 or 4 times and asked "Where are Blank and Blank? I thought they were coming?" "Oh they'll be here! They said they'd be here - my friends. It's okay! I'm okay. They're going to be here any minute!"

I'M NOT A LOSER! Don't hate me because your beauty paralyzes me!!

There's a happy ending... My friends did indeed show up and after a couple pucker shots, I was out on the dance floor bumping and grinding with many many gorgeous woman, including Linda. And being the wonderful woman that she is, she insisted that we all come by her place on Saturday for her pool party.

Pool party = Swim suits.
Swim suits = Linda in a bikini.
Linda in a bikini = Well, I'm not sure, but I bet it might involve my banging my forehead on the bathroom wall mumbling "you idiot, you idiot, you fucking idiot!"

5000 Women = 10,000 Breasts

This weekend is Dinah Shore Weekend here in my sleepy little town. It's probably the largest lesbian event (of it's kind) anywhere. 5000 women descending on Palm Springs with nothing other than anonymous sex, pool parties and body shots on their minds. It doesn't get much better that this...

In preparation, I went shopping for a new swim suit yesterday. As most women know, there is nothing more humiliating in the entire world. If you ever want to feel incredibly fat and ugly, just go try on a few swim suits. The wrap around mirrors in those dressing rooms should be outlawed. I prefer to live in my happy little "single mirror most flattering angle" world, thank you very much. If it weren't for denial, I'd never get out of the house.

I was so depressed by the whole swim suit experience, I came home and plopped myself on the couch with a beer and flipped on the tube. Am I crazy or did I actually hear James Taylor doing a Thomas' English Muffin commercial last night? I know October Road did not meet sales expectations but c'mon JT... English Muffins?

Also caught myself watching Oxygen. I'm not usually one for chick channels. I'm more of a History Channel gal myself. But Girls Behaving Badly was friggin' hilarious. It's kind of a Candid Camera Prank show and the bit about the sperm bank had me cracking up... If you stumble across it, check it out.

Today is a new day and as my good friend Sabrina says, I'm heading out to the gym in the vain hope that I can burn off a winters worth of pizza and beer in time for tonight's kickoff party. Wish me luck.

I won!

Again! Sort of.. It was a tie apparently or maybe The Judge got tired of counting votes. Congrats to my fellow winner TPRS. Let's hope that you're not judged by the company you keep Jack ;) Thanks to everyone who voted for me. As soon as I get the boxers, I'll make good on my campaign promise I swear.

I guess this means I'm buying dinner

Masculinity Score: 5.3

Femininity Score: 4.05

The Bem Sex Role Inventory
via dargie

Look up GEEK in the dictionary - you'll find a picture of this guy.

It probably won't take long til I'm on the floor. Gulf War Drinking Game

Just in time for Easter: I Love Egg.

War Against War

A look at the demonstrations in San Francisco through my good friend Clintons lens.

-----------
Another blast from yours truly.

"War Against War" is my latest project on Annoy.com. It is primarily the beginning of an audio-visual commentary on what the modern antiwar movement looks like and how it operates. A sporadic yet comprehensive story that is weaved together through imagery and words. Although focused on San Francisco, the reality is that the sentiments and images we are witnessing here are part of a broader, global mindset.

The horror of war is difficult to comprehend without being there and witnessing it first hand. Yet those opposed to the war are not all vandals, bleeding hearts and left-wing lunatics as the mainstream media would have everyone believe. Many of those protesting have siblings, children or people they love in the military, and want nothing more than to see them home safely. And not every person opposed to George W. Bush automatically supports Saddam Hussein.

Similarly, many of the riot police who are arresting citizens on the streets of San Francisco do not support President Bush or the war, but are forced to bear the brunt of vicious baiting and taunting vitriol at the hands of some protestors in the performing of their job. There is no black or white in this War Against War.

After much deliberation, I chose not to censor any of the images, whether they are the faces of protestors caught in the act of civil disobedience or flat out illegal acts, or whether they are the faces and identities of police officers illegally filming peaceful protestors. The images speak for themselves and tell more of the story than I could. A city I have loved and called home for many years looks and feels dangerously like a police state.

I admit, I had to become a part of the problem in some instances in order to best capture the imagery the way I saw it playing out. I hope that these images present the complexities of a situation that I am better able to document than I am to understand. Troubled times we live in.

War Against War

Clinton
-----------

In other news:
Fix it damn it! My service provider informs me that they are having a router issue, which would explain the slow loads times here. They expect a fix soon. Also, for those of you using XP, the CSS I am using has a few issues... I am aware of it and working on it. I appreciate your patience while I rip my hair out.

French Military History

I'm not anti-french, I'm pro-funny! And this is some funny stuff!

via blu

Can you hear me now?

Wow! So today I was kicked off someone's blog. THAT'S never happened before. We all know I'm just about inane silly links and cute fuzzy kittens. It's rare that I will enter into a political dialog here in blog-land but when I do, I tend to choose my words carefully and when I ask questions, it usually because I really don't know the answer, not because I am baiting. I don't enjoy angry and pointless debates. It's a painful reminder to me how the written word can be so misconstrued, twisted, to fit someone else's agenda.

Yet, I found myself drawn right into it... like an idiot. I found myself getting angry about something that, in the big picture, is SO not worth getting angry about. I wasted a good 45 minutes of my life fuming over someone else's misinterpretation of my words.

Long long ago in a galaxy far far away, I used to manage a rather large, successful and well known online community. I am familiar with flamers and baiters and red-herring tactics. Trying to keep the peace on certain boards or in certain chat rooms was like trying to jump rope with an elephant. Sure there's a chance that it might happen someday, but toes will be stepped on. And it's gonna hurt.

But guess what? I don't have to do that anymore!

So with that said, I offer this advice (mostly to me) ... In this highly emotionally charged war time, if you get angry at someone, or if you feel that you've been personally attacked, just take a breath and walk away. Revisit it in an hour. Try reading it from another perspective before responding. Maybe ask someone else you know to check it out and see if they read it the same way. It's so easy to get caught up in our own little world and respond in a vacuum. Remember... always send the third draft and count to ten before you send. I think I'll stay out of it all for a while. And now...

Fuzzy Kittens!

Don't we all feel a little better now? I know I do!

I hate the waiting

I have clients coming over at 5:00 for the first round presentation of design work for which they happen to be paying me a sizable chunk-o-change.

It's in these last 5 minutes that I inevitably find a way to convince myself that it's all total crap and I'm just a hack. Fuck.

Random Linkage

Everyone needs a hobby I guess.

Play glinx and other fun little games

13 Ugliest My Little Ponies You mean there were cute ones?

Coolest Toys Ever!

Test your Goat Parts knowledge.

Saturday Night Report

R & M had a little get together over at their pad. It was a beautiful warm evening so we took the convertible. We met a some new folks and within 5 minutes, talk turned to the war. I found it an interesting contrast to the night before when war talk did not enter the conversation until 2.5 hours into the evening. Reminded me of just after Sept. 11th. Either you needed to talk about it, or you needed to escape it.

Last night, a guy I had met once or twice before, sat down with us and the war was the first thing out of his mouth. What I enjoyed most was that even though there were obviously different viewpoints sitting around that table, instead of focusing on the morality of the war (it's right, it's wrong - I'm right, you're wrong), the conversation was of a tactical and historical nature. Yes it's war. Yes people are dying. But I do think that it's okay to talk about troop movements, equipment, international relations and how this might be written into the history books once all is said and done - all without putting a moral stamp on it.

I don't believe that there are only two sides in all of this. From what I've gathered from my conversations with others, things I've been reading and listening to, there is a large majority of folks like me - stuck somewhere in the middle -trying to reconcile the use of military force through a preemptive strike to disarm a violent, dangerous regime and liberate an oppressed and abused nation, with my non-violent, anti-war, peacenik beliefs. It is no easy task. And I may never get there. But I'm listening to all facets of the conversation and I'm watching and I'm learning.

I won't pretend to be an expert of any of this, but one thing I do know - this war is a reality, right or wrong. And to let Love It Or Leave It Flag Waving or No Blood for Oil Blind Pacifism control who, how and why you discuss what's happening is limiting and narrow minded. It's important to understand and talk about the realities of what's going on without clouding it with political rhetoric. That's how peace is found. Not by shouting down someone who opposes your position, but instead, listening to them. You might actually learn something. Most importantly, knowing what the hell is going on. It's complicated and if you join the fray without some knowledge about military operations, history, and the delicate chess game of foreign relations, you're just a propaganda tool for somebody else's mission.

I wonder how many of the flag wavers and the protesters really have taken the time to try and understand what's happening or if they've simply closed their minds and cloaked themselves in their moral justifications.

*ed note: this is not the post I said I deleted the other day... and despite my previous statement that I wasn't going to contribute to the war blog landfill, as Wrap Master, I reserve the right to change my mind any time I want.

Oh what a night

Last night I two-stepped to Cher.

N'uf said.

Go Green! Go White!

Michigan State vs. Colorado

ESPN Preview

Reality Television

I had composed a long post about my take on the current state of affairs; the war, the protests, us vs. them mentalities, anti-anti-american sentiments, hope and fear, right and wrong and somewhere in between.

I deleted it. Christ - there're enough pundits out there and I don't need to contribute to the general landfill of politico posturing. With that said, I've decided that to take a page out of the Daily Show book. Truth is often funnier than fiction.

So this morning, as I am rigorously working on my crossword and 3rd cup of coffee, I glance up at the television, tuned to CBS, to see none other than Julie Chen "imbedded" in Kuwait City. I swear to god, I thought I was watching "I'm a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here!" She could have been Melissa Rivers on Day 1. She was pissed. She just oozed "When I get out of here, one of you motherfuckers is going to pay for making me take this assignment!" Her scowl left no doubts that she had HAD ENOUGH! And it's only Day 3.

Julie was reporting on having to don her chemical suit the day before during a "Bunker Bunker" alarm (in Kuwait City!) and proclaimed to have "run towards shelter with the other troops and civilians" when in fact, the tape they were rolling showed her wearing her tight assed gap low-riders and a skimpy blue t-shirt slowly wandering towards a building as she tried miserably to get a gas mask on. It was such a CHORE! You could almost hear the huff and puff sighs as she dragged her feet.

"After 45 MINUTES in these suits it was very, very hot" she complained. "I had to drink FOUR bottles of water once we got the all clear!"

Poor Julie. Heaven help you if you are ever in any real danger...

In other news...

How'd I miss this local story? I'm guessing she just wanted to order a pizza...

Livin' la Vida Maco. Another switch parody.

This is beyond fright-in-nnnnn-nnnn. Greek Whinin'. Maybe you should lay off the Nyquil kid...

Been there.

I know the feeling kiddo. I was right there with ya Monday night...

thanks oddgirl

Things are happening. It must be spring.

So I secured another client today - a great job actually, with a lot of exposure. Yeefuckinghaw. I don't want to say too much about it because I don't want to jinx it. But suffice to say that I will be pretty busy for the next 6 weeks. The project includes a few elements I've never dealt with before - environmental graphics, signage primarily - and I'm really looking forward to it. New things are good.

Also, I am looking at office space (gasp!) with two fellow self employed desert denizens. I think it would be good for me to get out of the house and actually have to dress (including a shower) for work every day. That's the first thing to go when you work from home ya know, personal hygiene. Take it from me, it's not pretty.

The space isn't huge, only 1200sq.ft, but it's cheap and all part of the big picture concept we are working on together. Besides, it's a write-off. Again, I don't want to go into detail, who know who reads this damn thing... key-rist, this town is a friggin' Mayberry after all. Everybody knows everybody's business... there's no way around it. I guess it's the same wherever you go but they're Talkin' at the Texaco. I thought it might be different here but yeah, it's the same 'ol chitter chatter. Human nature I guess. Whatevah. I don't have time in my life for the petty crap. I got things happening baby! The wheels are in motion and I'm psyched to be working (fairly) regularly again.

By the by - if you like the aforelinkedto James McMurty's "Talking at the Texaco" you might also like "I'm Not From Here" - I love rediscovering old CD's on the shelf.

Catching Up

Haven't had much time for surfing until today. I offer the following up for your amusement and entertainment.

For the scientifically inclined, check out the Periodic Table of Haiku

Who would make a better president? Bush or Tic Tacs?

It's day four of French week over at Idle Words. Best to start from the beginning: here

Are you a Rainman?
via b3ta

A dog goes woof (except in greece, where it seems to be quacking like a duck).

The new digs

Welcome to the new and not very improved Friday Fishwrap. No more annoying banners. No more remote comments. And bonus - I get to use the damn URL I've been paying for the last 4 years! Everything seems to be working except the comment pop-up is not reading the style sheet. And well.. There are other things too. I'll get to them later. Don't forget to update your links.

It's Miller Time.

Kiss Me, I'm Welsh!

Why don't the Welsh celebrate a holiday that includes consuming copious amounts of alcohol? I would get drunk and tell stories about the old country cottage near Llanbadarn Fynydd (we're wacky that way - we love our repeating vowels and consonants) Oh well, I married an irish girl (no, not that one but she's a catch!) so that should get me in the door.

Update
I just dropped my parents off at the airport. 12 days, many many miles, and enough food and booze to last me through... well, Easter maybe. I am beyond exhausted.

Haloscan has apparently lost all of the comments for the last two entries. I successfully installed Movable Type (side note: shouldn't there be an 'e' in there?) and will begin the joyous task of migrating and sorting over a years worth of posts and possibly working on a new look. Stay tuned. It's time for a change... right after my nap.

Fun and Games

Have you tried to walk a cat? It ain't easy, especially when you have a pot of coffee coursing through your veins like I do...

Frenzirynth 3D labyrinth game.

Too Much Time on Your Hands Award
Even though the FAQ specifically states that the author does not have too much time on his hands... I'll let you make the call. Things I've Pushed Through Toast

Random Linkage
While I was away, my buddy Mopsa linked out to this groovy site of creative captions for the ready.gov info graphics. To follow up, here is some helpful information from the Dept. of Homeland Panic.

For a great webzen experience check out Wild Mood Swings.

Deep Thoughts from the Road
Is there some law that requires anyone over the age of 65 to read every damn road sign out loud?

Meet the Chubbersons

Waking up to this view = Priceless
Being humbled by Mother Nature = Priceless
A 1000 mile road trip with parents = 2 years of additional therapy.

Yo! Yo!

Thanks to everyone for voting! You guys rock. A few folks have upped the ante on the whole naked 'cept the boxers pledge, so no matter who wins... it should be a good show!

It's been a fun and wonderful whirlwind with the parental units in town. An delightful parade of food, drink, laughs, food, food, laughs and more drink. There were only a couple of times I've pulled this maneuver. But hey, they're parents - what can ya do? The weather has been gorgeous. We're doing brunch at 10, then a leisurely cruise about town in the convertible. Cocktails at mi casa tonight with the boys. They LOVE my mother ... with those fabulous Manolo Blahniks she wears, they're convinced I'm adopted.

Oh yeah, and Irish Girl - there's a package on it's way next week.

We're off to AZ tomorrow morning! Later gators!

I'm not below bribes and sexual favors

What's better than winning one Dilly Award? I'll tell ya... TWO Dilly-Dillys! If I win (like that's gonna happen when I'm up against the likes of Laurence, Seabrook, Presurfer, Nicole and friggin' Dave Barry of all people) I promise you this: I will post a picture of me in nothing but my new brand Pickle Juice Boxers. You actually think you might see me in a thong? Bwaahahha!

So here's my shameless self promotion for the day: VOTE FOR ME! Do it for the pickle, yes the pickle.

They sure grow 'em big

They sure grow 'em big in Iowa
The tale of the Giant Chee-to "It's beyond dangerously cheesy."
via the missus

MMmm... A two Cadillac Margarita

MMmm...

A two Cadillac Margarita lunch and a nice dip in the ole drink. About 75 degrees here today. Not to rub it in or anything... I mean, snow is great and all but c'mon...

The parents arrive in about

The parents arrive in about an hour. Fishwrap updates for the next week or so may either be voluminous or sparse. Most likely sparse. I'd tell ya to troll the archives but since they're screwed up, you might try the following for fun and games and general nonsense.

B3ta.com

The Presurfer

Fun Junkie

Blogdex

Homeland Securtity: Most Wanted List

Homeland Securtity: Most Wanted List Updated Please call the toll-free hotline if you have any information regarding these suspected terrorists. Especially the notorious Haid d'Salaami.

Location! Location Location! Play MASH

Location! Location Location!

Play MASH (Mansion-Apartment-Shack-House)
via robyn

You will live in House.
You will drive a Green Ford GT.
You will marry Michelle and have 0 kids.
You will be a Independently Wealthy in Alabama.

The results kinda freaked me out they were so accurate... Until I got to the last 2... Sigh, a girl can dream a little can't she?

Check out these homers. Stuck Vehicles. Note to self: Don't attempt to drive the Jeep on the actual rim of the Grand Canyon next week.

Yes, you read that right. I'm headed to the Grand Canyon for two glorious days and nights with my parents next week. They're coming out for a 10 day visit this Thursday and to mix things up a bit we're taking a road trip to the big GC. It's six hours by car. The missus has generously offered to remain here in PS and keep the home fires burning while we head out into the desert in the Jeep. Clever girl. Actually I am really looking forward to it. And yes, I will take many pictures and you will ooh and ahh.

Funniest Taxi Driver Synopsis. Ever.

Funniest Taxi Driver Synopsis. Ever.

Jack posted the following over in Irish-Girls comments. I can't link to the comment so I will reprint it here without permission. Go over there and give him his props. Genius.

You guys are all insane...The best kids movie of all time???????

TAXI DRIVER!!!

A simple story full of wonderful family values.

A guy, (Travis) goes to a big city and super responsibly, gets a job doing the honest, necessary albiet blue collar work of driving a taxicab. He shows real dedication by working the streets up to 18 hour days.

He is Mr. Thrifty though, and saves his money so he can buy expensive things, thereby helping the economy grow. He also shows good skills in negotiating with an independant small business man.

( Awesome sub plots in this movie abound. Teaching the kiddies about the value of exercise, industrial auotmobile cleaning methods, constitutional ammendment rights, personal grooming and much more.)

He is rewarded by all his hard work by meeting 2 beautiful girls. The first is a working girl, Iris, not unlike himself. On the streets day and night, she often works more hours in a day than Travis. But she shows American spirit by working out of the bedroom in her own one room apartment.

She is also super responsible. So much so that she left home at 13 to go out to help stimulate the economy. She also shows us the meaning of generosity, by giving most of what she earns to what appears to be a homeless man.

(The filmaker shows his genius here, by not even mentioning this man's hispanic ethnicity...thereby showing the little ones that race doesn't matter when it comes to poverty.)

The second girl works for a political candidate. She turns out to be not very nice. Travis takes her out to a fantastic movie about human relatioships, but she shows herself to be a snob and rudely walks out.

Travis doesn't get mad though, because he REALLY like her, even though it appears she might be flirting with someone else at the same time she is seeing Travis.
Still, he REALLY likes her, so he follows her around all the time just to make sure she is always safe.

Near the end of the movie when he is watching out for her safety, he gets to meet a real politician running for office. (WOW! only in America, huh kids?) He is so impressed, he tries to enlist in the secret service!!! What a wondeful giving man!!

Then all of a sudden, Travis senses danger for Iris, and runs to help her. It seems the homeless man...you remember the one Iris gives her money too? It turns out he may smoke ...marijuana.

(I know some parents out there might be concerned here. Trust me, you will see the positive message taught here in a moment.)

Travis has serious issues about drugs. He only belives in aspirin. (In what can only be described as cinema genius, the filmaker show us a very concerned Travis practicing over and over his listening skills for this upcoming intervention..Travis' plaintive "Are you talking to me?" solioqy, is perhaps movies most famous plea for better communication.)

But I digress.

So when he finally sees that homeless man in the films last reel, he tries to talk to him. The homeless man becomes wicked angry though..(this must be that reefer madness we hear about.)

Anyway, as final resort to this issue, and to show this homeless man that anger can be hurtful in relationships, Travis is forced to excerise his constitutional rights again and again and again and again and again and again to help Iris find closure.

In the end of the movie, Travis has some health issues he has to deal with OSHA about. (loud industrial noises in an enclosed space without proper hearing protection.)

But that is life, and the government, and Travis has a job to do, and he is still out there, doing today.

The End.

Wonderful family movie with good American values!!!!

I give it 2 guns up!!

Losing Weight and Saving Face

Losing Weight and Saving Face

I'm on Atkins right now and we all know what that means. No wheat, sugar or flour. I've been on this diet once before and I lost 40lbs - 15 of which I've gained back and would like to take off again.

I cringe at situations like the one I faced last night. We were invited to our friends place for dinner to celebrate his birthday. Birthday = cake. That's easy enough to skip. A lot of people don't eat cake. Dinner = the great unknown. I would consider it poor manners to ask our hostess what she's planning to serve, much less make any sort of dietary request. If I were diabetic sure, but trying to lose weight is no excuse to be rude. So I just have to hope and pray that it's fish, or chicken or even some sort of red meat, though that's unlikely with 8 people. God forbid it's pasta. I'll just have to wing it.

Upon our arrival I had a generous cocktail and was having a blast playing with their three year old son. This boy, born to very straight parents, is SO going to the biggest flamer when he grows up. The facts: he has a strong affection for his mothers shoes and panty hose, loves jewelry (the missus let him try on her diamond ring and we caught him doing a Carol Merrill in front of the mirror in the living room). When he makes a toast, as he always does once everyone has been served, he must do so with stemmed glassware. And he insists on being in charge of lighting, setting the tone for the evening with flattering ambient light. All this and he's barely 3. Uh-huh. Definitely a friend of Dorothy. I rest my case.

Where was I? Right - my diet. So our hostess brought out the evenings hors d'oeuvre - baked brie with plum preserves. The cheese isn't a problem but the preserves and the puffed pastry are a big no no. It's quite impossible to separate them as they are all baked together into one gooey delicious delightful sinful taboo. Damn. So I stuck to a couple of nuts. When dinner rolled around my worst nightmare was realized. Pasta. And bread. And a small salad. While I hoped I might have been able to get away with just salad, unfortunately there wasn't enough for me to even attempt to make a meal of it. Double damn. What to do? Well, there's only one thing you can do. Be polite and eat what's served. And that's what I did. And once I had the pasta, when the obligatory cake came around, I said fuck that too, cut me a big slice. I'm already going to feel like shit tomorrow, why not just go all the way. And I did. And it was good. I only regret not having tried the baked brie.

So as predicted, today I feel awful. Not just mentally for going off my diet but one major down side to the Atkins diet is that if you've been on it for a few weeks and you load up on carbs, your body reacts in the most unpleasant manner. I'll spare you the details.

In other news: Saturday, I not only installed the incredibly fucking complicated hanging shelf thing, but I also added an outlet and completed a major home theater installation. All that and only two minor injuries. I guess I'm handier than I thought.

It's all news to me!

It's all news to me!
In case you've been living under a rock like I have for the past 48 hours...
The item about the human shields bugging out of Iraq reminded me of that Monty Python and the Holy Grail scene: Run Away! Run Away! ... I mean, c'mon! What did you think "Human Shield" meant?

Who's What's a person gotta do to get out of jury duty these days? Juror 142