August 29, 2003
TGImp3F
Hey! It's Friday - and I totally forgot to post. I blame it on the...
felines and sea lions and rain on the beach...
August 27, 2003
Butch Pin Ups
There aren't many out there that I know of, except one: Norman Rockwell's Rosie. No, not the "We Can Do It" Rosie, this one graced the cover of the Saturday Evening Post in 1943.
Because Mopsie asked in comments, I went ahead and put her in the rotation. If you're lucky she might pop up. In the meantime, you can visit her here. She's a girl after my own heart with that ham sandwich.
If anyone out there knows of any other butch pin ups (hothead doesn't count), let me know! I'd love to add them to my collection.
New Girls in Town
Buzzword of the day: Dynamic Content! I've added a random image script for some added variety. Same great taste - less filling.
August 26, 2003
How many "F"s in Fuckity Fuck Fuck?
I tried my best and I still didn't make genius. Damn it. Eye Test. Can you find all of the F's?
Very funny Kindergarten Music Reviews
via the morning news
Download the BBC News Style Guide
Why you should never own a parrot.
Play Slackman!
So maybe I take a lot of pictures of my cats but key-rist, these people need to give the dog a break already! Baby the Bulldog He aint that special.
One from the Archives:
Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails
In Other News:
I'm stunned to learn that the Friday Fishwrap is blocked by the Chinese Government. Could it be all those Engrish links? Perhaps too many fuckity fuck fucks in my prose (that sounds naughty)? Whatever the case, I'm in good company even though I am not on the un-official list.
thanks natalie and andy for letting me know about it!
Name that quote: "Mmm. Damn good coffee - and HOT!"
Many thanks go out to my thoughtful friends who got me the best damn coffee maker ever! This thing not only brews great coffee, but it also grinds your beans for you in the filter basket. It friggin ROCKS! You're the best!
In other birthday news. Even though it was not the usual BBQ/Beer bash of years past, I had a great night last night. The missus made a fine dinner and afterwards I kicked back with The Life of Pi and a pitcher of Manhattans. The phone was a steady stream of birthday greetings. I have some great friends and I counted my blessings. Thanks you guys. Still, I fully intend to milk the Monday Birthday through to the holiday weekend to see if I can get a little B-Day BBQ out of Rich and Michael someone.
August 25, 2003
You say it's your birthday
I just realized how fucking pathetic that last post sounded. How very MacArthur Park of me... Really, it's not that bad at all. I'm 23 years old... I really should act my age.
Today is shaping up to be a fine birthday. The Missus just greeted me with an armload of presents. The stroll down candy memory lane is great! Guaranteed to have me writhing in the throws of a sugar crash by noon. Thanks to everyone for your warm B-day wishes. I really appreciate it!
August 24, 2003
And We're Back
Friday was the second time in the last 4 months that my DNS info at Network Solutions has reverted back to an old host. Ergo where did this site go... No explanation, and the only solution was to go in and reconfigure the DNS and wait for it to propagate. Yippee.
So tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 37 years old. I'm not all that excited about it for some reason. We were supposed to be back at the lake in Michigan, but plans fell through a while ago. It's on a Monday this year, which is probably the worst day of the week for a birthday. And I'm not in the highest of spirits ... I've certainly had better days. I guess it's just not meant to be this year. C'est la vie.
August 22, 2003
You say plaid like it's a bad thing...
Ya know what I wish? I wish they would do a "Queer Eye for the Butch Dyke". Granted, it may not have a large market appeal, but frankly, some of us could do with a little visit from Carson and Kyan. Yes, I already have a close circle of wonderfully witty and often catty gay men, problem is even though I know they have opinions (yes, I can hear your eyes rolling gentlemen) they are too well mannered to actually express them to my face. Perhaps out of fear that I might smack them up. Which is a distinct possibility. If it were on television though, I'd have to be nice.
Just think about it... Monster Garage meets What Not to Wear!
Hello, Bravo?
Now, where was I?
Bored? Try Doodle Pad
Who would buy that? Nevermind, I don't want to know... Unnatural Animal Crackers
Yikes! If you're a nervous flyer, you might not want to see what a Hailstorm can do to a plane...
via presurfer
Breaking News: Sealed Neil Armstrong tapes released.
Too Much Time on Your Hands Award goes to: browser man
via b3ta
Design your own typeface. Very cool thing to play around with.
via m.p.s.
Tired of real work? Why not play work instead?
In Other News:
Zyban Update: One week into it and I'm still smoking, but that's okay. You're supposed to continue with your normal smoking patterns for the first 2 weeks. I have noticed that it doesn't taste quite as good as it did before. Side effects are minimal, but I'm having some weird ass dreams and I'm a little anxious. The anxiety isn't a big deal - mostly I just feel like I am forgetting something important. And I get a little shaky about an hour after I take it, but that passes after a few minutes.
Not sure what's on the agenda for the weekend but this afternoon I am going in for an overdue massage. This will be the first time I've had a male massage therapist, but my friend assures me he's one of the best. I'm a little apprehensive but I can't tell if it's the Zyban or the idea of Man Hands that is causing it!
That is all. For now.
August 21, 2003
Referrals available upon request
In the past 24 hours, here's a sampling of search strings (and my ranking) that led people to this little corner of the World Wide Wow!
Patsy Cline's family tree up to 2004 [google #1]
google spanking [msn #11]
imperial valley drug lords [google #13]
spanking girls clips [msn #5]
girls gone wild peed pants [yahoo #9]
white trash dingbats [google #4]
trinas fat ass [google #2]
(Trina - I swear I never made a joke about your ass - it's quite fine if you ask me...)
Origin of Goo Goo G'Joob [google #8]
vaccinations in the ass [msn #5]
Felcher and Sons [google #6]
August 20, 2003
Monsoon Season
Yes, monsoons in the desert, when storms build up in the gulf of California and press their way Northwest. As I write this we are experiencing a rare concurrence of meteorological events: thunder, lightning and about 2 whole drops of rain that actually made to the ground, though they landed with a bit of a sizzle. The cool part (and I do mean cool) is that the temps here suddenly dropped from 115 to around 85 in about an hour. Even though it's oppressively humid, we've finally opened up the house. The breezes feel fantastic and the air smells sweet. A bit of sweet relief.
And lord knows this town needs a bath...
Wednesday What-Nots
Fun and Games (sports series)
Rock Climbing and other viral games
Swing batta batta: Miniclip Baseball
In the News:
Hey Irish Girl! I know you're a stressed out bride-to-be and all, but just relax and don't flip out on your wedding night! Aint she purty?
via staz
[update: here's a fair and balanced report of the event]
Time to lay off the beans Shamu!
via the missus
Back in Time
Here's a great library of Rag Time sheet music from UCB.
Misc:
Word of the day: "flabbergasmic" - check out the Eroscillator The only vibrator recommended and endorsed by Dr. Ruth. Funny... It kinds looks like a SoniCareŽ doesn't it?
via the morning fix
This my friends, is the difficult choice I will face in October. Am I Governor or Not?
I love my Mac yes I do. But sometimes... it pisses me off!
via the missus
August 18, 2003
Guilty Pleasures
Solonor has put forth a challenge to fess up with my audio guilty pleasures. These are songs that one would not usually admit that they like much less that they, well, secretly... love. While Solonor claims not to own any of his songs... I own each of mine. And I play them on a regular basis when no one is around. Not only that, I sing them at the top of my lungs. Here then are my top 5 most embarrassing guilty pleasures. Feel free to spread the love.
Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band
I Can See Clearly Now - Johnny Nash
In other news:
I tend to like things neat and tidy (I'm sure the missus just spewed her beverage on her monitor), but yes, generally speaking, things should have a place. This blog, while having undergone a redesign just a mere 5 months ago has come to resemble my office. There are piles of crap everywhere. Bear with me while I attempt to do some triage and clean things up a bit. Some things might work, others not - que sera sera.
Back to School
What is it about summer, or specifically, the end of summer, that causes us to go in search of our roots?
A few of people I've not talked with in years (and I mean years) have dropped me emails this summer. It's been great to catch up and reconnect, to learn what's been going on. A few of them I hold hope for maintaining the connection but I kinda know where it's going for others... 3 emails, then the polish will rub off and we'll fall out of touch again. Last summer I heard from no less that 6 alum chums. And not a one have I spoken with in the last 11 months. Nonetheless, I find the phenomenon interesting.
Is it age? Is it the not-so-subliminal "back-to-school" messages we see everywhere? Or is it a way to measure ourselves i.e. I wonder how so-and-so is doing, maybe they're as lost as I am? Did I make the right choices? How did I end up here? How the hell did you end up THERE?!
Maybe it's simply a way for us to know that we are all still out here - still trying to find our way and yes, we think about each other once in a while. How are you doing? Great to hear from you. Let's keep in touch...
August 15, 2003
Friday Linkfest
Quote of the Day:
Wolf Blitzer (CNN): "To our viewers without power right now, please don't use candles!"
Fun and Games:
Remember Frogger?
OMG - I laughed so hard! Play All That and a Bag of Chips!
AgeGuess I did horribly - and damn if those aren't some of the ugliest people!
via presurfer
General Weirdness:
Death Row Websites
iPod Love Spoof
17MB Quicktime
History of the World in 10 Seconds
Miscellany:
The Electric Big Bang Swing Machine.
Anyone else out there grooving on Dead Like Me? If you get Showtime, be sure to check it out if you haven't yet.
Blackout The Moblog.
Swearausus. Learn how to swear in 120 different languages. If only they would do this in an audio Living Language series!
via Texas Yankee
Email Clip of the Day:
"It's so funny you emailed; I was just asking about you yesterday. Things are so-so: work sucks and I spent July recovering from shingles. I highly recommend that you do not get it. Other than that everything is fine!"
August 13, 2003
Here's a tip from me to you.
If you want to smuggle drugs into the US, just act like a geek and throw a bra at the border guard. It will confuse him so much that he'll wave you through.
We parked on the US side and walked over into Los Algodones. Immediately it's clear that we are no longer in the US. Every 5 feet someone was hawking their goods. "Viagra! Prozac! Celebrex! You need some pain pills? We have the best prices - Come on in!" Barkers at every store front.
Border towns used to be all about liquor stores and cigarettes and blankets and ponchos and mas cerveza! Not any more. The liquor stores have all expanded to include La Pharmacia with hand written menus of every drug imaginable, and plenty I'd never heard of. Prescription meds are now the top consumer product there. And here we were, trying to blend in with the 60 and up crowd and score some junk.
After visiting three different places and getting shoved out of line by what appeared to be a nice little old lady from Phoenix who in fact turned out to be Madam Escobar, we found ourselves venturing a little too far into anti-gringo land, turned around and settled on Mary's Pharmacy. Small and tucked back from the street the prices there were slightly cheaper but not by much. More importantly, it certainly was less crowded and I felt safer there. Not safer from the locals, but safer from the senior set. They were rabid!
I was there to get Zyban. A few of my friends have taken it and it's helped them to quit smoking and I thought - what the hell, let's give it a go. But seeing as this stuff is really expensive and I am self-employed and nowhere in my insurance policy can I find the term "co-pay", I am left with few options. I had to make a run for the border and it was totally worth it. I saved over $200. Only problem is, I can't read the label on the bottle that she gave me, so we'll find out in a week or so if I got the real deal. My partners in crime also made legitimate purchases... or so I thought.
We had lunch and a couple of beers at a place I'm not sure would pass even the basest of health codes, I mean this place was a shit hole. There was only one working toilet and even that was questionable. Everything was just a little too sticky... the floors, the menus, the tables... And then there was the smell. I can't quite put my finger on what it was, but it wasn't right, whatever it was. We suddenly weren't that hungry but we were still thirsty so we stayed and drank 7 coronas between us for $9.00 - not bad.
Over "lunch" I learned that one of my companions [update: due to the severe nature of the crimes discussed herein, there has been a request to conceal identites.. bawk bawk bagaawk!] had bought a nice stash of Xanax and Valium. Now Valium you can bring back no problem but Xanax is a no-no. As with most US drug laws, it seems rather arbitrary and makes little sense, but hey, thems the rules. So now we were about to become smugglers (cue Miami Vice theme song). While I could care less about my friends recreational use, this information made me just a little nervous about crossing back.
Once we had purchased the obligatory Tequila and some smokes, we made our way to the border crossing. It was hot, but I was starting to sweat a little more than I should have. I was nervous. Would they search us? What kind of questions would they ask? How do you say lawyer is spanish?! I had no idea in this age of heighten security how bad it might get. I mean - have you traveled through an airport recently?!
Once inside, I went first. Here's how it went down...
"Are you an American Citizen?"
"Yes! And here's my California Drivers License!"
"Do you have anything to declare?"
"Uh yes, liquor and pharmaceuticals sir!"
My partners in crime began to snicker. I shot them a "Fuckers... you're not helping!" look. The border guard gave me the hairy eyeball. I think the term "pharmaceuticals" tipped him off.
"Would you like to see them?" I offer, not knowing why these words were coming out of my mouth...
"Uh, sure."
I whip open my backpack to remove the bag with the goods and out flies my wife's bra (I said it was hot!) and it practically hits him in the face.
My wife gasps and firmly instructs me to "Put that back!" Now I am totally flustered and so is the Border Guard. I quickly shove the bra back in the bag but in trying to get to the other items in question I accidently whip it out again.
"Okay! Okay! Just pass though... Have a nice day ma'am."
So I jam everything back in my bag and head for the door. He looks at the other two: "Americans?"
"Yes" they reply in unison...
"Okay have a nice day."
Who knew it could be so easy? Given my past history with controlled substances and my uncanny knack for never getting my ass caught with ANYthing - I can't believe I acted like such a total spaz. I must be getting old. Needless to say, I'm sure I'm going to get plenty of shit for my lack of composure at the border. What a dork...
We decided to take a different route home and drove through parts of the Imperial Valley that I really don't ever need to see again. About half way home we stopped in at Skips Swamp Cooler. Sounded like a groovy little hole in the wall, how bad could it be?! Worse than Mexico... If you ever find yourself on the North Shore of the Salton Sea and find yourself checking out a place with the words "Swamp Cooler" in its name... just keep driving. Trust me on this.
Hasta La Vista, Baby
Well folks - I'm off to Mexico. Really. No joke. I should be home within 24 hours barring any unsavory run-ins with Los Federales or Border Patrol.
I'll explain my mission once it's successfully been completed however, for your safety and mine, it's best that I keep it on the QT.
August 12, 2003
Tuesdays Timewasters
Photo Phun
Time Tales is a lot like Look at Me. A voyeurs delight, it's a nice collection of "found photos" submitted by users.
The digital airbrush. Check this example of cheesy and just a tad overdone photo-retouching.
Phun and Games
Test your response time. Play the Reflex Game. I averaged about 0.478 seconds. I'm not counting the one time I sat there for 2 minutes because I forgot to click the start button.
Infuriating yet addictive: BALM
Try this at home! Strawberry Pop Tart Blow Torches
"The present work describes our independent verification and experience with SPT-based combustion"
In other news:
I got a new Schwing! Flop! Blinky Blink! yesterday at the grocery store and as of this morning, no "Squirt!" - though perhaps due to my less aggressive play. The cats however are itching to get their claws on it, so I doubt it will make through the week.
August 11, 2003
Diff'rent Strokes
I've considered Canada, what with the good health care and equal rights and all, but there has to be an alternative, somewhere warmer. Mexico is only an hour away... But then, it's Mexico. Nothing against Mexico except that well, it's Mexico.
I want to become an ex-pat. Specifically, an ex-Californian. What kind of fucking loony bin nut house certifiably INSANE state do I live in?!
First Arianna, then Arnold, the topless chick, now Gary fucking Coleman and that freak Gallagher?! Every time I read anything about this stupid stupid ass recall, I can't get this song out of my head. I've been humming it all day...
This is the saddest state of affairs my friends. It's a goddamn 3 ring circus disguised as a democracy. The rest of you must be laughing your ASSES off at us. But beware my friends. One word: Reagan.
Weekend Report
Had a fantastic weekend. Saturday, the Uber-Geek in me came out and I was able to successfully hook up my iBook to the outdoor stereo system and stream via my wireless network, the MLB broadcast of Giants Phillys game. Oh yeah, that's some good geek R&R right there. I don't know what was more fun, the hooking up process or the cold beer and ball game reward that came with sweet success.
As the game headed into extra innings, I had to get ready to go over to my cousins for a little shindig. It was a beautiful day so I wanted to take the convertible. It's been so fucking hot here that I hadn't removed the cover since my return from vacation and feared what I would find underneath. As expected, she was filthy. Honestly, what the hell is the point of using a car cover if it doesn't keep the car clean? I mean really... But I wasn't complaining, out came the bucket and sponge and Thelma got a good bath. Mmm.. cold beer, Giants baseball and washing my car... a perfect Saturday afternoon.
Mary Jo's party was fun as always. Her new house is great for entertaining and I'm more than happy to participate. It being a non-smoking house though, I spent the entire evening out on the patio with the rest of the butt-burning crowd. The usual suspects were there along with a few new folks, John and Steve [is that right?!] from L.A. and Johns mother Dorothy. I love meeting mothers.
At one point, Dot (as I, on my 3rd V&T, decided to start calling her) was engaged in a lively conversation with Nicky. Picture this: Nicky is an edgy british singer songwriter with a killer mohawk (apparently he's HUGE in Sweden) and Dot's something straight out of Leave it to Beaver - swear to god. Quite the odd couple but they thoroughly enjoyed each others company. I think she has the whole Tory vs. Labor party thing figured out now while Nicky picked up a good casserole recipe. During the House of Lords history lesson John (who is apparently Traci Lords, yes that Traci Lords, producer) had a brilliant idea and is now trying broker a deal to get Tracy and Nicky to record together. Now that I would pay to see!
We rounded out the evening by making the obligatory trip to Toucans Tiki Lounge, scene of many end of the evening nightcaps and various bad judgment calls. Toucans was packed as always, but since our buddy Nicky tends bar there, we received VIP service. If ya'all want to get a glimpse of this place, my favorite watering hole, check out Boy Meets Boy this Tuesday on Bravo. Judging from the teasers - they do some kind of karaoke thing there in this weeks episode.
August 08, 2003
TGImp3F
Holy Crap! It's Friday night! Now I'm gonna two-step my zydeco ass outta here and have a beer or 4 cuz Son of gun, we're gonna have big fun...
We waste time so you don't have to!
Name that Mane! a short little quiz. I got 4 out of 5 correct.
Groaners. Media words never heard in actual conversations.
Songs for Paris Touching poetry about a cat. via the missus
Threat Alert Jesus. I have to have one!
Girl Scout Council. I'll let you figure this one out.
For the boys: A Brief History of the Cod Piece.
Cat. Um. It's a cat... that flies... and it steals a nose. Yeah.
More great eBay Feedback. via kim
Anyways... A collection of stories told step by step. Feel free to contribute.
ASCII Rock HUGE files but very cool. You have to squint to get the full effect and unfortunately - the midi is very annoying.
In other news:
I kicked ASS the other day at Collapse. My highest score ever: 3,503,405. Don't believe me? check it out.
Feel the Love!
Meghan and Jeremy are going to the chapel.
Go on and congratulate the happy couple!
August 06, 2003
It's a NEW one!
Look who showed up the other day? I have no idea where this guy came from. He must have seen the St. Francis Bat Signal over our house. He's not feral, but he obviously has been on the streets for a while now. He's a love bug - that's for sure.
I'm not sure what to do with him, we also have two kittens (who are are quickly turning into cats) up for adoption. and now this guy needs a home too. Anyone interested - email me please?!
Ages 8 and Up
I'm a sucker for dumb toys. Even as a kid, I had to have them. I begged my mother every time we went to the store for some 50˘ piece of crap. Stupid little things that no one in their right mind would justify spending even a paltry 50˘ on. Every once in a while she would treat me. And inevitably I would break it before the day was out.
So the other day I am at the grocery store and I took a quick spin down the toy aisle and there it was. I wasn't sure what it was, but I had to have it. It's a squishy fluid filled rubber thingie with alien spoke nubs and a long rubber string thing with a loop at the end to attach to your finger. Inside the fluid was some kind of hard ball that lit up when you hit it against something. I HAD TO HAVE IT!
It took me a good 5 minutes of trying out the various colors before choosing the lime snot green one. I couldn't wait to get home and show the missus!
Of course she feigned interest for about 30 seconds to humor me and then said "okay - well have fun honey!" And I did!
Schwing! Flop! Blinky Blink!
Schwing! Flop! Blinky Blink!
Schwing! Flop! Blinky Blink!
Schwing! Flop! Uh-oh.
What was that? My hand's wet. Is that fluid seeping out? Eewww. Wait a minute - that's kinda cool!
Schwing! Flop! Squirt! Blinky Blink!
And then the missus found me. "Did you break it already? Get that out of here! It's probably toxic! "
Squirt! "Is not."
"Is so! Get it out of here!"
With head hung low... I went out to the patio and continued, though slightly less enthusiastically, with me Schwing! Flop! Squirt! Blinky Blink! $1.99 piece of crap. Less than an hour I had owned this thing and I'd already broken it!
Once I had squirted most of the "fluid" out, I decided to deconstruct it. I got a knife and carved out the electronic Blinky Blink inside. I now carry the small round plastic blink ball around in my pocket and every once in a while I'll give a good thwack and it will blink for me. Yippie!
I'm such a dork.
[ed. note: after a little googling I found out what they are. Best of all is that I can buy a box of 12! That outta get me through the weekend! And see? Right there it says "Non-Toxic" - Whew, cuz I wasn't really sure about that!]
August 05, 2003
August 04, 2003
Weekend Update
Friday Night Report
Went on an Oscar winning DVD blitz. Watched About Schmidt, Gangs of New York and The Hours. Loved all of them except The Hours. While an interesting study, cleverly folded together and of course full of lesbian tid bits, I found it tedious. Maybe I need to see it again, but I'll wait.
One last rental is sitting by the TV: Adaptation. I'll watch that tonight. If you get About Schmidt on DVD, don't miss the deleted scenes. They're great and it's too bad they had to edit them out for time.
Saturday Night Report
Hung out by the pool all day and read (cover to cover) "The Secret Life of Bees." A great story about a white girl in South Carolina in the 60's who loses her mother at age 4. What follows is a well told tale of a 14 year old running away and running towards.
I can see this one being made into a movie, so read it before it does. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Definitely a chick book and not the type I usually pick up, but I'm glad I did.
Impromptu BBQ at John and Doug's house. I (and my liver) had finally recovered from vacation and was ready to interact with real people. Good friends, beautiful evening and great food. John had impaled the sausages with a sprig of rosemary. I hadn't had that before and it was dee-lish. Gonna try that trick next time.
Sunday Night Report
In keeping with my rediscovered social skills, we had the usual gang over for a casual pool party during the day. I introduced a new element: water balloons. Unfortunately, I think I bought the wrong kind of balloons because they were rather reluctant to explode - instead of producing a refreshing "splash!" they inflicted their victims with a dull thud and perhaps a bruise today. At sunset, we went over to my cousins new groovy pad for more swimming, grilling and imbibing.
When Worlds Collide
I've been wanting to write an entry for a while now about what happens when word gets out and everyone you know reads your blog (yes I mean you, you, you and you and...) But I think I'll save it. Suffice to say that it makes scathing reviews of parties a tad awkward. Hmm. Maybe I'll invent pseudonyms and you can guess who's who ;)
August 01, 2003
Blast from the Past
Whew - things are slow around here. Must be summer...
In light of Wednesdays post, I snarfed around and lo and behold, I found the 1999 Fishwrap Email list archives. I posted them - unedited - this morning. Now if I could only find 1988, 2000, and 2001... Hmm. they must be around here somewhere.
If you find yourself bored this weekend - go troll around 1999. More blonde jokes and top 10s than you can shake a stick at. And tons of funny words like "Day Runner", "diskette", and "Y2K"
Archives can be found at the bottom of the right hand column of this page. Or just start here.
Have fun... There's some fucking funny shit in there!
