Friday Fishwrap

Tuesday Timewasters

Timewaster Trivia: AllTrivia a millionaire type dealie.

You know you're from (Lower) (Upper) Michigan... and a plethora of other "you know's".

Cave Man Fooz Ball

Yeti 6 Surfin' Safari.

Cat Town

Holy psycho rodents batman! When squirrels go bad... the hilarious true(?) tale of a man, a motorcycle and one pissed off squirrel.
via my so called blog

Speaking of motorcycles... This can't be good.

Quote of the day:
From: We're Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore
- Garrison Keillor

"The party of Lincoln and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians, people who believe Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico, little honkers out to diminish the rest of us, Newt’s evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man suspicious of the free flow of information and of secular institutions, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk. Republicans: The No.1 reason the rest of the world thinks we’re deaf, dumb and dangerous."

Weekend Report:

Friday night was very mellow. The missus and I had done the West Covina IKEA Experience™ for the better part of the day. Trying to secure the few last items we need to finish up the kitchen and baths over at H.A.T.S. (House Across The Street). Unfortunately we're still waiting on some door fronts and it looks like we're going to have to explore other options in the bathroom sink dept. All in all successful yet frustrating. Evening was spent just chilling out. Watched Charade with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn.

Saturday the missus treated me to a steam and professional massage in the afternoon. It was exactly what I needed. Very relaxing and rejuvinating. When we got home it was time to start getting ready for company.

Can I just say that I have the greatest friends in the whole world?

Stone arrived first and presented me with a new Tiki he carved just for me. I was totally blown away. It's only his second carving and man, it rocks! I'm calling him Funky Monkey for the time being. Itchyrae and MJS showed up next with two (2!) mini kegs of beer they scored at Trader Joes. Besides the novelty, the beer is most excellent. Then Spinlenfür showed up with the big surprise. The best damn cheese cake I've ever tasted. Seriously. It was beyond amazing. Fed-ex'd in straight from NY, it was to die for. Then Jo and John came over with their dog Ginger and we all spent a great night eating and drinking and laughing (Itchyrae: Uh, Go Longhorns? Praise Satan? EastSide? Is this right? Stone: Son, that is pathetic. ) Given the past week, it was exactly the kind of night I needed. Thanks guys!

Sunday I spent installing Panther (better late than never right?) and my new Airport Express with AirTunes (all thanks to the Spinlenfür!) and in the evening I headed over to Itchyrae and MJS's for some delicious sangria and burgers. Yum!

A most excellent weekend.

But alas, it's Monday again and I have a ton of stuff to do, not to mention preparing for court! Yup. The break-in. In addition to our being harassed by a private detective and a public defender last week, now we've been summoned and we have to testify this week. The problem is I have no idea what to wear. I live in cargo shorts and flip flops these days. I think I'll have to go shopping... bummer ;)

TGImp3S?

Oops - What happened to Friday? It's Saturday and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sing me a happy song!

Happy Song - Melissa Ferrick

note: all mp3 links expire 7 days after posting

In other news:
So it's been a fairly crap week around here if you couldn't tell by my lack of posts and general good humor. Having a friend off themselves a few days before your birthday really tends to put a damper on the revelry.

But tonight we will celebrate life. With good friends, cold drink, loud music, cheese steaks and yes, cake. You can never go wrong with cake ;) Bring it on baby!

Smokin'

Guy finds a digital camera in the woods. Cool. Guy looks at pictures on the camera. Nice work... Beautiful pictures... wait a minute... what the hell IS that?!? Ack! RUN!
via daypop

Now here's a guy who's never going to make the Olympic Springboard Diving Team.

What would you do? Take the Extreme Survival Quiz. I am so dead.

Fun and Games:
Blockdude

Pixelfield

In Other News
My birthday turned out better than I expected. Despite there being a dark cloud hanging over our little hamlet, we managed to rally and I got completely shit faced on smoking martini's (made using dry ice - very cool to look at, dangerous when consumed in quantity). Damn, those were good. I haven't been that drunk since... well, we won't go there. Now where did I put the Advil? Ouch.

Thanks to everyone who left me happy birthday wishes below! You guys rock. Well, all except for the weezer geezer old coot remarks. Why, when I was your age we had RESPECT for our elders! Swat! I take comfort in know that you can only dream of looking this good when you're my age. Heh.

Farewell Coyote

I'm trying to enjoy my birthday today, but I'm having a bit of a tough time getting into the spirit. Perhaps getting into the spirits will help... I'm off to the bar. I need a fucking drink.

Randomus Linkage

Hee Larry Us: Will Ferrell Does Dubya

And thanks to the Missus for pointing out this review of The Little Goat:

I SPENT 7 MINUTES READING IT
While my country was under attack, this book had me hypnotized.

-George

Recess gets Regulated
It's a sad, sad day when kids don't get to learn life's hard lessons taught on the playground. Lessons like "Quit it!" or "Ouch! That hurt!" or "I was the last one picked, I'm such a loser!" Gimme a break. What's next? Taking away pencils because they're pointy and sharp and they contain lead and some parent might sue? Oh wait, nevermind. (it's a joke people!)

Holy Piece of Crap Batman! MTV got hit with the ugly stick! Ack! This monstrosity has to go down in the record books as THE WORST site re-design of a major brand. WTF is up with that logo? Load time is ridiculously slow, navigation is a nightmare, and and and... I just don't have the words...

Play the Invisible Curser Game (even when cheating, it's still hard!)

And finally, This story is why I will never, ever jump out of a plane... Encounter with power lines saves skydiver

I was robbed!

No, not again... But if you're looking for a way to kill the last 2 hours of work on Friday check out Catch and Release. Catch the wad of paper (click to grab) and pitch it in the can (drag and release). Takes a while to master (all the better for killing time) - Love the smarmy comments.
via MetaFilter

TGImp3F

Hey, it's Friday! And oh, look... I'm still living on the surface of the sun!

I Melt With You - Modern English

note: all mp3 links expire 7 days after posting

ed. note: I accidentily deleted this entry. this is a repost. comments were lost. Doh.

Friday Fishwrap's Wild Kingdom

Beer Bear. My sympathies pal, I've been there too...

From America's Funniest Home Videos (used to be on eBaums World until Disney sued) Funny Cats - a great montage of cats (even if you don't like cats - it's funny damn it!)

Meow Mix Café opens in NYC.
via oddgirl

Puzzled Sheep - a rather addicting game. Read the instructions first!

Dog Toy or Marital Aid?
via the missus

From Yeti Sports: Ylympics!

And finally: Bush vs. Bush Which horses ass will win the great debate?

Wow, that's a really big...

er, torch, you've got there.

What's with the swimsuits the guys are wearing? Is it just me or do half of them seem to be employing The Bulge™?

In a similar vein...

I've heard people talking about the phallic nature of the Athens 2004 Flame lighting the cauldron (even though it looked more like a big fattie joint to me) I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder. I'll let these concept drawings for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Stadium speak for themselves...

In other news:

Joke of the day via the missus...

I recently picked a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I've not done either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?"

Weekend Report

Friday night I stayed home to follow the hurricane. Thankfully my father in-law, who lives in Naples, fared pretty well during the day. Power was out and there was a lot of tree damage but otherwise in tact. My brother and his family are in Orlando (in the Lake Underhill Park area) and I was unable to reach them at any point in the evening. My inner worrywart took over when the eye passed over... When I heard 105mph gusts at Orlando Int'l I knew that they had to be hunkered down and doing the best they could.

I tried to take my mind off it by watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. I love the Parade of Nations but the other pageantry I can take or leave. I admit I kind of dozed off during the Byzantine Empire...

Saturday: I finally got ahold of my brother in the morning. His house is fine, a neighbors oak tree came down and took out the fence but no other major damage to the house. Unfortunately, that night at 3:00am after the hurricane had passed over, my 2 year old niece had another seizure and the ambulance could not get to the house because of downed trees and power lines. My brother had to carry her 3 blocks in the wind and rain, over trees and debris to meet the ambulance. Not knowing how he would follow her to the hospital (if the ambulance couldn't get in, my brother certainly couldn't drive out), a neighbor came out and tossed my brother a set of keys and said to take his truck to the hospital. AJ is doing fine now, but a terrifying and tough night for all involved.

Saturday night I went over to MJS and Itchyraes for drinks. MJS returned from Brazil with some Cachaça (a brazilian rum-like liquor) and he was mixing up some tasty Caipirinhas. It's been a while since I've had true cachaça and I'd forgotten how quickly it kicks my ass. After 2 drinks I had to step off and go for the club soda until the fog lifted. It was a great night catching up with friends.

Sunday was my day to relax. I'd been so tightly wound all of last week that I really just needed a day to myself. I didn't want to see anybody, go anywhere, do anything. I spent the first part of the day with my big ass on the couch watching TV and then in the afternoon, somehow gathered the energy to roll out to the pool. My neighbor popped over the fence to say howdy and we were chit chatting about my vacation etc. when I heard my wife scream "MJ!! CALL 911!"

In a series of split seconds that I can't really piece together, my crisis response kicked in and I was telling the 911 dispatcher that 2 men had just broken into our house across the street and that my neighbor Al had one on them on the ground.

So much for my relaxing day.

Without getting into all the long winded details about how the missus went completely postal on them while they were still in the house and scared the living shit out of them ... suffice to say that they were caught in the act before they could take anything or do any damage.

It turns out the guy on the ground wasn't a guy at all, but the 14 year old kid (he's quite LARGE for his age) of the former drug dealing tenants. He was absolutely terrified and knew he was busted. He looked at me and said "Don't you remember me? I used to live here?" To which I yelled back at him in my pumped up adrenaline state "I don't give a shit - it's not your fucking house anymore!"

His accomplice, another LARGE boy, all of 13 years, fled the scene and was later picked up about 4 blocks away with crystal meth in his pocket. 10 points for stupidity there - if I had just broken into a house and ran from the cops I might think to dump the frickin' drugs in my pocket, but as the cop said to me, "If they were smart, we'd never catch 'em".

I was really impressed with the response of the PSPD. They had 4 cars there in less than 3 minutes. I think it might have had something to do with my telling the dispatcher that my neighbor had one of the guys on the ground. The lead cop was really nice. He knew the house (he'd responded to a few of our previous complaints) and he complimented us on fixing it up. "That house looks NOTHING like it did before - you've done an amazing job." And he knew the boys mother. "She's a known narcotics offender."

What broke my heart was that this kid's life is totally fucked. He has a prior breaking and entering conviction and it looks like it's juvenile corrections for him until he's 18. He's only 14 and this is the only way he knows, thanks to the lack of parenting and poor examples he's grown up with. It's sad. On the other hand, the not-so-little fucker broke into my house!

And so begins my Monday. I'm off to call the alarm company to install a new system over there, oh yeah, and wait for the plumber. Again.

I bet he can't spell it either...

The Selected Resident attempts to explain...

Tribal sovereign entity-ish, uh... tribal entitialism?
500kb Quicktime movie

How much do I love that the audience just laughed at him...

thanks to spindlinfürer for the clip!

TGImp3F

Hey, it's Friday! And I'm a plumber! Things are progressing over at zee remodel. The counter tops are in (for the most part) and yesterday I successfully installed the sink, faucet, disposal and trap with nary a leak. Today I tackle the dishwasher. I'll try and get an update on the houselog this weekend.

But on to the music...

Alone Again, Or - Calexico

note: all mp3 links expire 7 days after posting

In other news:

No gracias señor, adios.

Ugh. I have to fire my gardener today. I hate having to do it. He's a nice guy but nice doesn't cut it (har har) when things aren't done on time and I come home to a 10' dead hibiscus, three dead lantana, an overgrown hedge and a flooding irrigation system.

I just hate firing people, even if they clearly deserve it.

I can't WAIT!

But alas, while I'm waiting...

MYST IV Revelation

MystWorlds

MYST Realm

MYSTerium

Download the Demo

Summer's Burning!

Yippie!

As I was clawing my way through (literally) piles of mail I found some tasty treats waiting for me! Thanks to the three of you stellar Fishwrap Summer Burn CD Swap participants who kept their word and sent me some fantastic CDs; Solonor, MusikChyck and Carrie (who has no blog) - AWESOME mixes. Each one is completely different with tons of tunes I don't have and stuff I'd never heard before! They've already been uploaded to the iPod and I am currently grooving to Coma Girl by Joe Strummer. Yeah!

Now as for the rest of you complete slackers... I hope that the time activated guilt I encrypted doesn't ruin your CD players. Burn baby, burn!

We're back!

I think. At least it looks kind of familiar... It's hot and there are cats. I guess this must be the place...

Damn. It feels like we've been gone for months. Tons of fun was had by all. It was great to see everyone and I can't remember a more action packed vacation. 16 days of nothing but sunshine, tubing, skiing, biking, kayaking, boating, udge-fay (pig latin for the word that shall not be spoken), drinking, laughing and beautiful Michigan sunsets.

Once I recover perhaps I'll get back into the swing of things around here. In the meantime here are some pics. I have to sleep now ... for several days ... and maybe go visit my old friend Betty Ford down the road. My liver and I are not on speaking terms at the moment.