Friday Fishwrap

Florida? Your 15 minutes is up.

Things are a little unsteady out here on the west coast, what with Mount St. Helens getting ready to pop her top and the swarm of quakes here in California.

So maybe that guy was only off by a month or so? I'm just saying...

I've always wanted ocean front property.

Bingo!

Are we all set for the big debate tonight? To keep ourselves awake entertained, the missus and I are going to be playing Bush Bingo.

I think I'll be adding a drinking element to my game, which should give the missus a nice edge up on me...

Happy Anniversary Darlin'

9 years ago it was a beautiful sunny San Francisco morning. The biggest morning of my life... And I was FREAKING OUT!

We'd spent months planning and preparing. Every detail had been worked out. After being together for 4 years, this was going to be our dream wedding.

And it was.

I look back on that day as the happiest moment of my entire life. As I was walked down the aisle by my mother and stood at the alter watching this beautiful woman being walked down by her father, all of us surrounded by so many friends and family. So much love. I had stars in my eyes. It was a perfect moment.

So here's my TGIMTW (Thank God I Married That Woman), our first dance...

Where or When

The Missus: "You're stepping on my toes..."
Me: "I know, just smile and pretend I'm not..."

Gosh Diddly Darn!

Here's a site called American Accent Training where one can learn the subtle nuances of pronunciation etc.

But wait! You HAVE to listen to the animated guy doing the "True Americana" audio bit on colloquial American expressions... Could they have found someone just a skosh GAYER for that? What a rapscallion!

Allow me translate for you...

Our hero, Mr. Fancy Pants, is looking for a screwdriver to fix his new Hollywood Regency lamp but his idiot boyfriend did not put it back in its proper place. In a fit of frustration, he calls his trusty lesbian friend (who has all the right tools) for help, but he can't get ahold of her. Finally she says "As soon as I'm finished changing the oil on my chevy I'll be right over."

Normally, our hero would fix it himself but since George Bush is still president and lying to us about the state of the nation, he's found that he just doesn't have the motivation to risk a prison sentence for fixing a lamp with the wrong tool. Damn Republicans.

While he waits for über dyke to show up, he continues to search in vain for the screwdriver...

Aw, c'mon, listen to it - you know it's true!

via the morning news

Getcher iLinks here!

I was surfing around looking for a case for my iPod and lord! the things iFound. There are so many options it's overwhelming. In addtion to the plethora of skins, condoms and faceplates, here are a few fun and funky links to the wild and the wierd...

If you want a mini - check out the CrystalMini custom mini iPod.

If that's not enough bling for ya, how about P. Diddy's custom HP iPod.

In the Dang - that's cool column, there's the LiliPod all weather case. Then there's iPod Armor, the Hummer H2 of iPod cases.

If you're more of an arts and crafts person, there's always the option of creating your own iPod Cozy. Please - don't make me one for Christmas.

Somewhat related: the Holy Grail of Apple is up for auction over at eBay.

Completely unrelated and totally random links:
The Arcata Eye Police Log. Now that is some funny stuff right there!

Mmm. Kitty Litter Cake. While clicking around there I also discovered some great halloween recipes.

Worlds Largest Beer Bottle Collection for sale over at eBay. Good thing they don't have a lot of earthquakes in Germany.

Fun and Games
Frozen Frenzy: deliver 100 cones in 2 minutes.

I'm bored, wanna go out back a shoot stuff?

Squares.

Pegz

Cool video: Behind by Lacquer. Nice car...

Nope. Didn't feel it.

So who gets the toaster oven

for Cynthia Nixon? Inquiring minds want to know...

via the missus

Before/After

Or what we did on our summer vacation (winter and spring too..)

Some before and after pics of the H.A.T.S. project.

cross-posted at the houselog

So a funny thing happened...

... on the way to Lowes (again) this morning.

While waiting at a stoplight this pimped out, low-riding, bling-blinged, green apple Suburban pulls up next to me, windows down, playing some hippity-hop rap-crap at 10,000 decibels.

Pissed me right off. So what did I do?

I rolled all my windows down, turned up the bass, cranked my 6 speaker 400 watts and went OLD SCHOOL on her 20 year old big white posseur ass.

I Wish

When she looked over at me I just smiled and gave her that "rollin' with my homies" thing (I've seen the kids do that). She just sat there staring at me slack jawwed. Cracked me the hell up!

5 lights worth of stereo wars later, she finally turned off. Aw - and I was just starting to have fun!

Muuhahahaha! I LOVE being old!

Wednesday What-Nots

Les aventures d'Oriel which is foreign for "Some game about the history of Quebec" thankfully the instructions are in English (which is English for "American" - no, I don't know where I am going with this but it sounded kind of funny...) and I suggest reading them first. I'm still stuck on the second level. Ahh, splat.

MOTAS another Crimson Room/Blue Chamber type deal-io. Good way to waste a few hours.

Armchair Games like "Ad-Break Toilet Dash" and "Pizza Delivery Chuck-and-Catch" (which is harder than it looks!) viral games for Wega.

Oooh, Pretty:
Grappa Spirograph doodle.

Escher Blowout 2 Another Photoshop contest from Worth1000. Some of these are flat out amazing.

Weekend Report:

Friday Night WDK and RP came over to help us put the final queer eye touches on the staging on the house in preparation for the open houses. The place looked stunning! After a couple of drinks and patting ourselves on the back for a long 9 months of hard work, we headed out to dinner at ZIN, which seems to be the new "it" spot in town. The food was amazing. I had the pork chop with garlic mashed potatoes and beet infused cabbage (yum!) and a few Stella Artois. It was nice to catch up with the boys after a long summer incommunicado.

Saturday and Sunday it was time to let the girl fly. The open house started at 11:00 and by 11:01 there were 5 cars out front. I was blown away by the turn out (both days) all day long. There was a constant flow of people. How do I know this? While I was not over at the property, I did pull a total Gladys Kravitz from our house. We joked that I should have something like this to be able to let the agent showing the house know who we did/did not want as neighbors.

We had a number of folks linger, and I mean linger, they were there for 40 mins easily. A few friends swung through to kick the tires. All in all we had incredibly positive feedback and response to the house. There was only one negative thing we heard...

We need to put in a peephole. What's even funnier is that I have one ready to install, I just hadn't gotten to it yet. Guess that's what I'll be doing today.

And so now we wait. Fingers, toes and anything else ya got - keep 'em crossed!

700 Club

No, not that one...

There's not been much sports talk around here lately, but I can't let this slip by without mention...

Barry Bonds joins the ranks of Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth with his 700th Home Run.

Oh, yeah baby...

What's the frequency Kenneth?

Q: What do you call CBS News after it loses all its credibility?
A: "Fox News."

via the missus

Twisted

Check out BearSkinRug. Great looking, tons of fun[ny] stuff to explore and all very well put together. Go. Laugh. Play with the bear - feed him a chicken. Whatever you do, don't miss the Sketchbook. Those penguinos crack me up...

Fruits of Our Labor

A quick updated over at the houselog. More to come this weekend!

Good News

The Missus is home safe and sound. Actually about 8 hours early - much to my surprise. She hopped an earlier flight out of Dallas.

WooHoo! Yah! She's home!

Looks like FLA has dodged a bullet. Ivan is headed West (Keith - or should I call you Miss Cleo!) Fingers crossed for Mobile and the rest of the gulf. As a weather nut - despite friend and family not in its immediate path - I'm still tracking!

So, what do you do?

I, uh, work down at the chocolate factory...

via swirlspice

TGImp3F

Hey! It's Friday - and it's less than 100º and pouring rain outside! How cool is that?! Between the storms here in the desert and Hurricane Ivan - I'd say this situation calls for a few rain songs...

This one goes out to all you lovebirds. You just know that in 9 months there are going be a whole mess of "Hurricane Babies" named Charley, Frances or Ivan... And if you happen to bat for my team and will NOT be making babies this weekend (aren't there enough already?) this is still one damn sexy song... Light the candles and pretend the power is out (some of you probably won't need to pretend, but then again, you wouldn't be reading this either... but I digress.. )

Bring on the romance!

Feels Like Rain - John Haitt

I'd like to dedicate this one to the Missus, who despite being a well educated and usually intellegent woman has decided to go storm chasing in Florida...

::shakes head::

Fool In The Rain - O.A.R (Of A Revolution)

note: all mp3 links expire 7 days after posting

Flap On. Flap Off. The Flapper.

Timewaster: The Flapper. Make a paper airplane that flaps its wings. I got a little hung up on step 10. Still working it. I'll let ya know how it goes.
via daypop

Subversion: Irony is hard, let's go shopping! Modified ATM Messages

Distraction: Arcane 1 a point and click game.

W-MP3: How Long? Too Long. Sunday, Bloody Sunday
via presurfer

Ooh Ahh: Hubble: Cats Eye Nebula

My Wife is Officially Insane

She's taking a little vacation - TO FLORIDA. Yeah, you read that right. Naples to be exact. I just dropped her at the airport and she's scheduled to return on Monday evening.

Bwaahahhahaa!

Yeah right. Monday. You betcha.

She's frickin' nuts. But if there is one thing I've learned after being with this woman for going on 14 years now is that you can not tell her what to do. Don't even try. Well okay, I tried. Believe me, I tried! But once the Missus has her mind set on something - she does what she wants.

She's looking at this as an adventure. Wheee! And since she'll be with The Don (her Father) then I'm sure an adventure is exactly what it will be. I think his disaster kit consists of a can of Coca-Cola, some nuts and a case of Coors Light. They'll be fine. No really, I'm not worried. They'll be fine. Really... Grrr.

In other news: check out this HIGH-larious collection of Senior Class Photo's
via my good friend Mopsa

Where in the world is MJ?

Oh, yoo hoo! I'm over here (sorry no houselog updates yet) working my tail off.

We are scheduled to list, yes, list - as in put that puppy on the market and let her fly, the house across the street (H.A.T.S.) next week and there is still a ton of little stuff that has to happen between now and then. I know I owe my faithful readers a houselog update and I'll try to make that happen this week. Look - I'm putting my camera in my pocket right now!

In the meantime - enjoy this little funny: News from Iraq (are those subtitles?)
direct link to .wmv

You Are Like a Hurricane

Wait a minute - you ARE a hurricane!

Ah humor. Having lived through a major disaster, I know first hand that at some point, ya just gotta laugh.

Here then from the front page of the Orlando Sentinel:

And an entry from their "blog" (not really a blog but we'll let this one pass):

10:03 a.m.

It's said there is no such thing as a dumb question. The folks answering the Seminole County's citizen hotline might disagree. After a busy night of fielding inquiries, they compiled their David Letterman-style Top 10 list:
10 – Is the mall open?
9 – What does mandatory mean?
8 – Will the curfew let me go to the bar with my friends?
7 – Do I leave the sand in the bags?
6 – Due to the water, do you put holes in the sandbags?
5 – Is Casselberry a county? I live in Seminole County, and it is different there.
4 – I heard there is a 9 p.m. curfew for all of Seminole County. Is it different in Sanford?
3 – Do the shelters have parking spaces?
2 – I'm heading to Alabama and I am in Ocala. I am running out of gas. Should I turn around and go home?
1 – I heard the storm is going to Miami. Does that mean it will miss Florida?

-- Gary Taylor

And finally: Answering any and all questions at the Orange County Emergency Operations Center. Pretty funny.

In other hurricane related news: I've been up since 3:00 this morning. While I'd like to blame my lack of slumber on all of my worrying and fretting, I think it was just gas. Well, that and the neighborhood canine symphony in 4 part harmony (that's STILL going one!) Honestly - I don't understand people who just let their dogs bark all friggin' night long. Do they not hear this?!? So in all of my awakeness I've been following the news pretty closely. I've just read via the newly formed Orlando MetBlog that our beloved Solonor and clan are doing okay. I haven't talked to my brother yet this morning, but someone wrote in that power is out in his neighborhood. When we spoke last night they were definitely hunkered down but sounding a little bored in the "bring it on already" kinda way. It looks like it's going to be a long day for the Orlando gang. I've not heard from Keith either. He lives in Stuart. They took the biggest hit last night. My thoughts are with all of you - be safe!

(why do I have this image of Frances as an elderly Florida retiree, slowly shuffling across the state with her walker mumbling about "damn kids, get outta my way!")

Make it a Triple...

Here's something most folks didn't get a chance to see at the RNC... Mary Cheney and her partner, Heather Poe. They certainly weren't here.

LA Times: Pair Were Ready For Prime time

TGImp3F

Hey! It's Friday and it's time again for another long distance dedication. This oldie but goodie goes out to the GOP and the RNC! Can't you just feel the love? Cheers!

Fuck Off - Reel Big Fish

note: all mp3 links expire 7 days after posting

Limon-ilicous

What do you get when you cross a lemon and a lime?

A tasty fruit candy, and some pissed off Catholics.

What about some cherries and a lime?

Say now, that's unnatural... Mixing citrus with cherries like that... That's not right. Oh, you mean the packaging? What? I don't get it... Is that even a lime? What the hell is that? A friggin' pickle?

via daypop

Geez-O-Pete

You know how some words just make you laugh? Just the words themselves, without any context. Okay, maybe not, but I've been cracking up over the following words...

Spork (An oldie but a goodie, I actually requested one instead of a fork in a dream I had last night.)

Badonkadonk (I know, but c'mon - it's funny!)

Cicadas (in and of themselves, they are an evil crossbreed of bird and insect and they have been driving me nuts the past few weeks, but the word? Crackin' me up!)

Cupcake (Mmm. cupcakes.)

Doppelganger (This word often reminds me of another funny word, Dingleberry, which as we know, means something entirely different yet I often confuse the two. Uh-huh, funny!)

Speaking of funny words, a follow up to the other days link to "You know you're form..." I just discovered this page on The Michigan Accent. I was certain that I had lost most of it, having lived in California for some 16 years now, but apparently not! Par example, I often say "Frigerraider" and "Samwich" and "Cloze". I am pleased to proclaim however, that I DO NOT say "NUKE-yuller".

I'm also stunned to learn that I still retain a large Michigan vocabulary (see: Michigan: Unique Words and Phrases. I thought everyone said "glovebox" "have a good one" and "you guys". No? Okay then.

That's it. Just a random brain fart from yer ole pal MJ...

Only 5 Days Left...

...for The Big One to hit. Then we can all breathe a sigh of relief. Right? Right?

I'm laying my bet that it will happen sometime today. It's hot and it's calm - too calm, earthquake weather. And I haven't restocked the earthquake kit since it was last relieved of it's stash of cigarettes, cat food and booze.

The perfect recipe...