Friday Fishwrap

Weekend Report

Or... My So-Called Glamourous Life

Friday Night (the only night worth reporting since I laid low the rest of the weekend) Report:

Went to a pre-party for Shag's "A Gracious Oasis - Paintings from Palm Springs" show put together by M Modern Gallery owners Jay and MiShell Nailor. It was quite the shindig (which I think is the most appropriate word) at the Elrod/Lautner Estate - once we actually got there.

There was much confusion (and a fair amount of grumbling and dissension among the ranks) as to where we were to meet and how we were all going to get up to the house (parking up there is very limited). Most of us (40 or so people?) showed up at the gallery around 6:15 (as instructed) only to find 3 guys laying new flooring, no hosts - no instructions, so we waited ... outside. Did I mention it was raining?

20 minutes later we were informed that we were all supposed to be over at the Rim Rock parking lot where a shuttle bus would pick us up. We all caravanned over to Rim Rock and circled aimlessly around looking for a shuttle which never appeared. There was however a tiny chinese restaurant with a brightly lit "COCKTAILS" sign so about 15 of us invaded the normally quite place and had a drink while this all got sorted out.

Pet Peeve Number 478:
People who try and get out of paying for drinks.
Just as we were served our cocktails, we were informed via cell phone that we needed to be at the OTHER end of the parking lot. As we hurried to leave, I realized that no one had paid the bill. When I mentioned this, one gentleman whom I do not know very well said "Sshh... Now why would we want to do that honey?"

I curtly replied "Because it's the right thing to do, asshole" (the asshole was silent). This poor couple that ran the tiny restaurant had graciously gotten us all drinks in a very orderly and timely manner and we were treated very well. Don't try the Drink & Dash maneuver with me around. So I had to be the bitchy lesbian and make everyone cough up cash. 2 people still did not pay. Grrr. Back to the story at hand...

As all 40 of us loitered in front of Vons for another 15 minutes, much to the amusement and confusion of the supermarket's employees and patrons, it's now 7:45 - an hour and a half after we first assembled. Mishell finally drove down to meet us and we all followed her up, car pool style. Let the glamour begin!

The Elrod House

Palm Springs is the Mecca of Mid-Century Modern architecture. Nestled up on the rocky southridge, the Arthur Elrod House, designed in 1968 by John Lautner, is a true masterpiece. I've been dying to get inside this place since we moved down here. Some of you might recognize it from the 1971 James Bond movie "Diamonds Are Forever" in which Bambi and Thumper dropped from the ceiling and attacked 007. It's also been the location of many a photo shoot. Seeing as I only had my camera phone and the pictures turned out awful (except this snap of Ruby and Josh), I'll point you here to see some more professional photo's of this truly amazing structure.

It really was like being in a movie. Everyone looked dynamite, the cocktails were flowing, the city twinkled below... this is Palm Springs Fabulous. And it can all be yours for about 9 million smackers. The current owners do rent the house out (as they did Friday night) for about $3000 a night.

After the party our gaggle of 15 sauntered over to The Parker for more drinks and some light fare. We lounged around the fire pit, having forgiven and forgotten the debacle of how the evening started, and toasted to how goddamn lucky we are to live in this most beautiful and magnificent place, Palm Springs. Life is good. Many thanks to our hosts for such a fantastic evening.

*Update: And I totally forgot to mention that Charles Hollis Jones almost walked off with my damn cell phone. Thanks to Jamie for getting it back for me!

TGImp3F

Hey, It's Friday! And it's a three-fer! Don't you know the duece is still wild?

Tumbling Dice - The Rolling Stones

It's Only Rock and Roll - The Rolling Stones

Honky Tonk Women - The Rolling Stones

all mp3's expire 7 days after posting

What's that old saying?

I like my coffee like I like my women: warm and er, lactose free.

So here's my diet observation for the day: Fat Free Non-Dairy Creamer isn't really much of a creamer at all, it's more of a "browner".

Sigh, I miss my half and half.

Home Brewing, An Illustrated Guide

Last week I brewed my first batch of home brew in about 5 years. It looks like it's going to be a good one. As a bonus, I'm running a little contest to name the beer. Just email your clever names to mj[at]fridayfishwrap[dot]com for your chance to win two 22oz bottles of fine handcrafted home brew. Deadline is February 11th, 2005.

Select the expanded entry if you want to see how home brewing works!

Home brewing is fun and easy. And it's not that expensive once you've made the initial investment in the basic equipment ($60-$200 depending on quality of equipment). You can use any old bottles or buy new bottles if you want. The ingredients for a single 5 gallon batch (over 2 cases of beer) cost around $20-$35 and you have the pleasure and pride of being a Brew Master!

STEP 1: Order your ingredients and equipment

Pick the beer you want to make. For this batch I chose Extra Pale Ale. It's a crisp, hoppy beer, like Sierra Nevada. Ales are pretty easy beers to make. And they don't take too long to ferment.

I've always brewed beer using a 2 stage fermentation process (stronger better beer!) which requires one 6 gallon glass carboy or bucket for the primary fermentation (first 5 days) and a 5 gallon glass carboy for the secondary fermentation (3-4 weeks).

Since I haven't brewed in about 5 years, I took an inventory of my old equipment and quickly found that a lot of it had to be replaced. In fact, the only things worth keeping were two 5 gallon glass carboys and the 5 gallon stainless steel brew pot (called a kettle - note: these pots are really handy for more than just beer!).

Northern Brewer offers a double glass starter kit but since I still had my old 5 gallons, I opted for the single glass kit. When buying your first kit, remember that you'll also need a 5 gallon kettle and bottles. If properly maintained and stored, your equipment should last forever.

Open your kit as soon as possible and refrigerate the yeast packet until Brew Day.

STEP 2: Brew Day

Set aside about 2-3 hours. It helps to have two people (and it's a lot more fun!) but you can certainly do it alone as I did, if you can lift 40 lbs.

First thing you need to do is assemble and inventory all your equipment and ingredients. Double check your recipe and instructions. Make sure you have everything you might need because once you start there's no turning back.

You'll need up to 6 gallons of fresh drinking water. I opted for bottled water because it's already pre-measured and easy to deal with. Also our water is pretty hard here so distilled or bottled water is probably better for the beer.

Activate the yeast at least 3 hours before you're going to begin brewing. The "smack pack" that came with my kit is pretty cool. Follow the instructions on the package. I found that I had to hit it pretty hard to pop the inner bag. You'll see it begin to inflate after about an hour or so.

Most folks brew their beer on the stove top. I chose to brew my beer outside using the outdoor burner (normally for deep frying!) because A) It doesn't stink up the house if your significant other doesn't like the smell and B) I prefer being outside on a sunny day!

If you do use an outdoor burner, make sure you have enough propane to keep it going for about 2 hours.

And now we brew beer...

First thing you do is start heating up 1.5 gallons of water. If you didn't order your grains pre-crushed, now is the time to do that.

Once your grains are crushed, put them in a muslin grain bag and steep them in the heating water for 15 minutes. Don't boil the grains. Remove the bag and sparge with a little hot water.

Once the water comes to a boil, turn off the heat and add your malt extract. I used a liquid malt but it also comes in power form. Stir well so it doesn't burn on the bottom.

Bring the pot back to a boil. What you have now is called "The Wort".

Be very careful. The pot has a tendency to boil over when you add ingredients now.

Add your bittering hops. My recipe called for 1oz. Chinook hops and they came in pellet form. I've never used the pellets before, I've always had leaf hops and used a straining bag.

Boil for 60 minutes. Don't leave the pot unattended.

At 59 minutes you add the finishing hops. Again, my recipe called for 1oz Cascade (pellets).

Once the 60 minutes is up, turn off the heat and chill the wort. I used a galvanized bucket filled with cold water and ice, but you can also just fill your sink with cold water and put the kettle in it.

While the wort is chilling it's time to sanitize your equipment, and anything that will come into contact with the wort. Once the wort has cooled to about 78 degrees, pour 3 gallons of clean water into the primary fermenter (your sanitized 6 gallon carboy or bucket).

Then pour in your wort, leaving behind the sludge on the bottom of the kettle. Add enough COLD water to bring the level up to 5 gallons.

Did I mention it's a good idea to mark 5 gallons on the carboy first? Yeah, forgot to do that... So I kinda guessed.

Pitching the Yeast
Sanitized the yeast pack and scissors. Be careful opening the yeast smack pack. there's a lot of pressure in there. Slowly pour the yeast into the carboy. Put the air lock on and store the carboy in a cool but not cold place.

You now have your primary fermentation.

Total time? 2 hours.

Step 3: Primary Fermentation

After a few hours, things will begin to settle, but not for long. A foamy head (called "kraeusen") will start to develop in 3-12 hours. This head should last for about 1-3 days depending on yeast type and temp. This is the active fermentaion. The yeastie beasties are going to work and you will see a lot of activity (swirling, bubbling etc.).

2 days after the head falls, it's time to rack (syphon) the beer into the secondary fermenter (5 gallon glass carboy) if you are using the 2 stage process.

STEP 4: Racking Your Beer

Sanitize all the equipment that will come into contact with the beer (yes, it's beer now!). Gently move the primary fermenter to a higher place (heh) like a table or something. Gravity is key. Try not to disturb the sediment on the bottom.

Remove the airlock and insert the syphon.

My kit came with a nifty auto-syphon tool, but if you don't have one, you can start the flow the old fashioned way. Sucking...

Begin filling your secondary, being careful to leave behind as much sediment as possible.

Bring the level up to about 3" from the top, adding water if needed. Re-sanitize the air lock and replace. From now on, air is your enemy.

The beer now needs to rest in the secondary for 3-4 weeks for ales, stouts and porters, 6- 10 weeks for lagers, up to 16 weeks for Dopplebock.

Total time? 15 minutes

Next up ... Step 5: Bottling!

Check back for an update around the third week in February.

********************
UPDATED
February 26, 2005

Step 5: Bottling and Conditioning

This is your final step towards enjoying your beer. After 3-4 weeks in the secondary fermentation, your beer should have a clear and quiet appearance with a fine layer of sediment at the bottom of the carboy.

As a matter of convenience, I let the secondary sit a little over 4 weeks so that I could bottle on a Saturday when I had the time to devote to it. Bottling takes about about 2 hours if your doing it by yourself. And trust me, not only is it a lot more fun to bottle with a friend, I so wished I had had an extra set of hands (Staz!). But as you can see, it's totally doable with just one person.

Sanitize

First thing you need to do is to sanitize all your equipment and bottles. If you are using new bottles this shouldn't take long, but if you are recycling bottles, take plenty of time to make sure they are totally clean. Scrub each bottle carefully with a bottle brush and sanitizing solution.

My bottle count was exactly 24 22oz. bottles. Sometimes a batch can run a bit over so I picked up a couple of quarts of Tecate just in case I needed the extra bottles. Though it's a cheap Mexican Cerveza, Tecate is still good beer and I didn't like the thought of pouring all of it down the drain, so I enjoyed a glass or two while I cleaned.

After cleaning them, I always dry the bottles upside down (with a towel at the bottom to absorb moisture.

Racking
Next you need to rack the beer from the secondary carboy into a 5 gallon bucket. My kit came with a nifty "Ale Pail" with a screw on spigot at the bottom. Since I had never used one like this before, I checked and re-checked for leaks where the spigot screws in and did a couple practice bottles with tap water so I knew how everything worked. The last thing I wanted was to run into a problem and have my beer spill out on the garage floor - tragedy!

Again, gravity is key when racking. This take about 15 minutes.

Add Your Priming Sugar:

Once you have your beer in the bottling bucket put a small amount in a sauce pan and heat on the stove. Add your priming sugar (usually corn sugar) 3/4 to 7/8 cup for Ales or even a full cup of if you are going to serve the beer ice cold. Dissolve the sugar by bringing it to a boil and pour it back into the bottling bucket. Stir well with a sanitized spoon. This sugar is what carbonates your beer.

Now it's time for the fun part!

Filling the bottles:
Most kits come with a bottle filler, a small plastic tube with a plunge-like stopper at the end. Attach the bottle filler to the bottling bucket spigot with plastic tubing. Gravity is all you need, no need to siphon anything. Insert the bottle filler into the bottle, when it hits the bottom of the bottle, the plunger opens and allows the beer to flow into the bottle. When you lift it up off the bottom of the bottle, it stops the flow.

Fill bottle all the way to the lip. When you pull the filler out of the bottle, the level will go back to about 1.5" below the lip.

My batch filled all 24 22oz. bottle plus 1 Tecate quart, with just enough left over to take my second gravity reading and have a taste.

Alcohol Content:
I just realized I forgot to mention an important step in the brewing process. If you want to know your alcohol content you need to use a hydrometer to test the specific gravity. There are several different ways to do this, but since I am not a scientist and just want a rough estimate, I use potential % scale on the hydrometer which involves only simple math, but gives you a good ball park figure.

On brew day, after you've pitched your yeast and once the wort has chilled, take your first reading (OG or original gravity). My first reading was 12%. The second reading (FG or final reading) taken at bottling was 4% +1 for temperature adjustment. Subtract the second reading from the first reading and you have a rough estimate of your alcohol content. This batch is roughly 7% Alcohol by Volume. I've brewed high gravity ales before (up to 15%) and they'll kick your *ss. 7% is just fine by me. Right now, of course, the beer is totally flat, but it still tastes great. Very hoppy and crisp. If you like Sierra Nevada, this EPA is the recipe for you.

Capping:
Now it's time to cap your bottles. Each kit comes with a hand held capper and blank bottle caps (don't forget to sanitize your bottle caps too!) I used to have a Bench Capper (the ones on the right) but I can't seem to find it. Dang. But that's okay, the hand capper works just fine.

Place the blank cap on the bottle. Put the capper over it, clamp down and voila! You've just bottled beer.

Conditioning:

And now we wait... In 1-2 weeks the beer should be fully conditioned (carbonated) and ready to drink. While you wait, work on your lables and affix them to the bottles.

Coachella Valley Swamp Cooler EPA

Line Talkers

You know the kind, in grocery stores, at the bank... they can't just wait quietly, they have to make the chit chat. You might be one too and that's okay, so long as you don't say something STUPID!

Witness the following...

Yesterday, while standing in line at PetSmart, a very loud and sturdy woman in front of us was brandishing a large uh, screw thingy (what are they called? the things you screw into the ground and tie your dog up to? anyway, it was HUGE).

Not content to make it a quiet and normal transaction, she turned around to the missus and said, "I don't really need one this big, he's just a Chihuahua. HA HA HA!"

"So why don't you just use a stapler?" the missus quickly fired back. Everyone within earshot, including the line talker, gave a good chuckle.

Seeing this exchange as her opening for more chit chat, the woman then pointed to the sign asking for donations to help the animal victims of the tsunami. "Help the animals? What's that all about? I heard not a single animal died! They all knew it was coming and headed for the hills."

Yup, I had heard this too. It made sense if you believed the old wives tales about animals having a sixth sense. But not even the keenest animal could have predicted what came out of her mouth next...

"But not the humans. I mean c'mon! How STUPID do you have to be?! HA HA HA! If you see the water receding a mile out, how STUPID do you have to be to just stand there watching it and not know that it's coming back?! C'mon, you saw those videos, they just stood there looking like IDIOTS! I couldn't believe it. People are so stupid..."

I sneaked a few peeks at everyone else just to see if ANYONE dared reply to that one. The cashier went about silently making change. The missus just looked at me slack-jawed. The woman behind us refused to make eye contact opting instead to stare intently into her cart.

What the hell do you say to someone like that? I was speechless...

To break the silence, the woman then continued with "I mean if I saw a bunch of animals running away, I think I'd follow them! Wouldn't you?"

And with that she gave a hearty laugh, took her change and presumably went home to screw her highly intelligent chihuahua to her back yard.

One More Clip...

This one time? At band camp?

Dude, if only you'd spend as much time practicing your horn as you do your moves - You would be a complete package. Right now, I think you're just in band to pick up chicks.
(quicktime)

Video Vednesday

Stupid is as stupid does, but I'll be honest ... it kinda looks like fun! Redneck Rollercoaster wmv

Sniff... This Quicktime clip (20MB) brought a tear to my eye. Steve Jobs introduces Macintosh (or is it the other way around?) January, 1984. We still have one of those nifty contraptions, boxed up and preserved for future generations, a little piece of history.

Quote of the day, on the Rice Confirmation: "Great. Now the public face of U.S. diplomacy is that of a pissed-off terrier."  - The Onion.

In Other News:
I have to admit, I cheated on the diet a bit last night. It was the Missus' birthday yesterday so needless to say there was a big ol' cake just sitting there. What? She couldn't eat that whole thing by herself (actually she could - and not feel an ounce of guilt - grrr)! I only had a tiny slice but the sugar had me high as a kite. No more for me. I've never had much of a sweet tooth anyway so it's no big deal. But giving up my Manhattans? Now that's a loss... Sigh.

I went to the gym this morning. 45 borrrring minutes on the treadmill. I forgot my iPod so I had to listen to club music while trying to read the crawl on CNN. Good news is I'm slowly starting to get used to my new eating rituals. Feeling hungry is the worst part. So I just drink a giant glass of H2O whenever I feel a pang. My frickin' eye balls are floating...

I've Done All I Can Do Today

Or... Ignore my complete random train of thought...

So this afternoon I wrapped production of a very LARGE job that has consumed most of my time for the past few weeks, er... months. It consumed so much of my life that I dreamt about it the past 6 nights. Hate that.. dreaming about work. It's not right. There should be a law.

Well, today the whole 76 page + cover job-o-rooney went off to the printer in la la Los Angeles and there's zip, zero, nada, I can do about it until I see a blue line (see: how stuff works: offset printing). And then we'll deal with whatever issues it might have [pray for me]. I ran a preflight on it, but if anyone out there has a good Quark pre-flight program let me know. I'm-a looking.

After I dumped the package at FedEx, I came home, poured a large cocktail and started humming...

I'm not gonna let it bother me tonight - Atlanta Rhythm Section

While scrounging up that tune, I had iTunes set to play random and guess what popped up? Mmm. Sweet.

Passionate Kisses - Lucinda Williams

Not really the worst day of the year (mathmagically speaking) after all, eh Solly? Bah, never mind. The missus just sent me this picture. Considering my new diet, that's cruel and unusual - not right I tell ya! *clarification: these are apparently felt donuts and no cruel intent on the part of the missus! Glad we got that cleared up...

But it gets better... Just as I was about to get up and collect my kisses and retribution for said donuty-goodnesss? I just found myself moving my cell phone around on my desktop, confused why my cursor wasn't moving. I even picked it up and turned it over and looked at it for 5 seconds...

I gottta take a break. Bring on the kisses! With Sprinkles!

The Fatty Patty No More Challenge

LA is explaining the Fatty Challenge that she and some friends have cooked up [no pun intended] and I'm wondering if there is a way I can join in vicariously. Money is a great motivator indeed. But so is humiliation.

Read on if pork products and bad hair don't frighten you...

I've been talking for a while now that I should shed a bit of the walrus I've accumulated over the years. I started going back to the gym a few months ago but didn't really give it my best shot and I quickly fell back into bad habits (read: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in front of the computer...)

Yesterday morning I was checking my email when I came upon a missive from my prep school. Usually these are just desperate pleas for alumni donations and I skip over them. However, something propelled me actually open this one up and give it a read.

As I scanned the words, I kid you not, my jaw dropped and the Sausage McMuffin™ (with egg) I was savoring slowly slipped from my hands...

“It’s not too early to start making your plans to join your classmates for this year’s alumni reunion!”

"Holy FUCK!! 20 years? In JUNE? What the hell month is it?!? I'm so screwed!"

I wanted to go purge right then and there. But as I was wiping the grease from my keyboard I thought to myself "Well, at least I have good hair now. I mean, really, what were we thinking? How could we ever have though that a rat tail and jeans pegged so tight you could barely get your foot through them was a cool look?"

I'm actually only slightly uncomfortable with my body image right now but this is it... I have to get my Ass and a 1/2 into gear and lose a little poundage. And if I can lose 25lbs by June 20th it'll be a fucking miracle. That's 5 lbs. a month. Aint gonna happen but I'll give it a go.

So the challenge is on! Yeah!

As I mentioned earlier, money is an excellent motivator for me. And because everyone I know here is a flippin' skinny minny and would have no interest in joining my little game, I'll have to pony up the cash myself. My tightwad CPA (the best kind!) will probably kill me, but screw him and my IRA - reunions like this don't happen too often, thank god, and it's my money.

So in order to make this interesting, I propose publicly, loud and proud, that on June 20th, 2005 I will award myself ($$ an undisclosed sum $$) for every pound I've lost, to spend however I wish on anything I want, no matter how frivolous and extravagant. Starting, er... today. Shit.

Doing the math, if I am successful I will have pilfered my entire IRA contribution for 2005. Stranger things have happened. And hell, if I only lose 10lbs - I'll have earned a nice chunk of change to buy some decent pants (of the non-pegged variety) and another good hair cut before I go. Which I would probably do anyway, but let's not get sidetracked!

So there you have it.

MJ's Fatty Patty No More Challenge.

Am I in? Hell yeah! Bring it on...

Er, um... I guess this means no more peanut butter. Damn it! But I'm still brewing my beer today. C'mon, a girl's gotta have something!

TGImp3F

Hey! It's Friday and all I know is that to me you look like you're lots of fun...

You Spin Me Right Round - Dead or Alive

all mp3's expire 7 days after posting

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Imperial Death March - Star Wars

thanks to m. luminous for the idea

Hops off the Press

Beer, glorious beer!

This weekend I'll be putting my Brewmaster hat on and stepping back into the wonderful world of Home Brewing. My supplies have arrived from Northern Brewer and I'm gonna whip up a batch of tasty EPA (extra pale ale) which should be ready for consumption sometime in early March.

I haven't brewed any beer since we left San Francisco oh so many moons ago. Sure wish my master apprentices were going to be here to help, but fear not Staz, I'll be sending a few bottles up your way when they're ready!

Now, as any home brewer will tell you, the beer is only half the equation. You also need need to come up with an appropriate name for each batch. I've decided to make a contest out of it and let the Fishwrap Faithful take a crack at it... Whadda say?

Beer Naming Contest Rules: Uh, there are no rules. Just put your thinking caps on and email your clever suggestions to mj@fridayfishwrap.com.

The winner gets two precious 22 oz. bottles of fine hand-crafted beer. A batch only produces about 26 bottles. (note: in order to receive your prize, you have to supply a mailing address.)

Deadline for name submission is Friday, February 11th. That'll give me time to whip up some groovy labels. I'll pick my favorite of the bunch and notify the winner.

To help with your task, here's a short description of EPA beer: "Crisp, hoppy, and quenching, Extra Pale Ale is highlighted with the sharp, citrus aroma of Cascade hops in the new tradition of West Coast ales."

Good luck!

It's Gnus to Me!

I gotta hit the slopes soon. Check out Big Bear's Streaming Web Cam (it changes about every minute)

For all you Disney fans out there. Check out the Virtual Toad project. A CGI reconstruction of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Green Cats "Strange emails I've sent to people who thought I was serious"

Truth in Advertising

The Calvin Pelorian Cat Project. A very fancy way of saying dress your cats up and take pictures of them.
via presurfer

Speaking of cats... Clean your monitor for free!

Nothing too exciting for me at this years Detroit Auto Show. I usually love the concept cars but this year they're a bit of a disappointment. Nothing very original. I do like the Jeep Gladiator, nice retro styling in a beefy short bed pickup. But Ford has to be the biggest ripoff artist. The Ford SYNus (sinus? hello?) just looks like an armored Scion (made by Toyota) and the Ford Fairlane is a souped up Mini Cooper (made by BMW). It looks like their R&D folks could use some fresh ideas.

In Other Gnus
Went to an SLDN fundraiser Saturday, which the missus co-chaired. I thought Dixon was joking when he mentioned the pentagon's rejected chemical weapons plan but apparently not. Your tax dollars at work folks...

The funniest line of the day? When a speaker was addressing Article 125 of the UCMJ and explained that each act of sodomy carries a 5 year prison penalty. "For instance, if you did it twice in one night, that would be 10 years." To which an older gentleman standing next to me wryly whispered into my ear "God, I wish..." I had to stifle my snicker. It was good (and successful!) event for one of my favorite organizations.

In other other gnus... Anyone else catch NBC's "star studded" tsunami benefit? Good gauze, could Madonna have butchered John Lennon's "Imagine" any worse? I thought my ears were bleeding.

One Adam-12, One Adam-12

"A two-eleven in progress"

Damn, I loved that show.

Last night not one, not two, but three - count 'em three, houses were burglarized on my block. Actually - the three houses next to our house. Our next door neighbors, the house across the street (yes that house which was broken into this summer) and the house next to it, which had been broken into twice previously.

It looked like a professional job too. I'm guessing they staked out the joints because they only hit the weekenders (read: dark and unoccupied) homes. They ran-sacked the places, emptied out every drawer, opened every cabinet, tipped over mattresses looking for the good stuff. The really good stuff, like their plasma TVs and silver etc., ouch. They didn't take the other stuff (i.e. the smaller TV/DVD players, bookshelf stereos or the like).

Having had the pleasure of discovering two of the "forced entries" myself, I spent a good hour and a half on the phone with the home owners and again at the scene(s) with the cops while they did their CSI.

It was interesting for about 2 minutes, then it quickly spiraled into "I'm bored out of my skull, can I go now?" "No ma'am, just a few more minutes..." Nothing at all like CSI on TV (I'm shocked, shocked, I tell ya!). No DNA sampling, no swabbing, just a quick dusting for prints (and there were none) and a lot of stuttered general questions. Sigh... I was hoping for Marg Helgenberger but ended up with Barney Fife.

What creeps me out is that we were home last night. We heard the neighbors dog barking around 8:00, but he barks at the cats all the time. I can't believe we didn't see, hear or notice anything unusual. Spooky.

I think we'll be setting the house alarm a little more diligently now. ::shudder::

TGImp3F

Oh lookie there, it's Friday. Don't bother trying to explain it, just hold my hand while I come, to a decision on it.

Save It For Later - Kris McKay (english beat cover)

all mp3's expire 7 days after posting

I'll Take the Whole Set!

Abusive Stamps
via the missus

Ooh, That's Gonna Leave a Mark...

Play Cheerleader Toss. OMG, I'm crying laughing. I only made Junior, Junior Varsity because I had a hard time pitching her through the window and into the dumpster (yes, that's a clue...)

via ordinary morning

Repent Now!

It's the End Times! ACK!

That's what I thought around 12:00 last night as I had just started to doze off and was jolted upright by A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE (magnitude 4.3 centered in Desert Hot Springs, about 13 miles from here). It was a solid shaker with a nice little roll at the end. No damage, except to my nerves...

Seriously... I'm beginning to wonder if the earth isn't just a little pissed off about something. Hmm, what could it be?

Pogo

Today was just one of those days. I overslept this morning and had a ton of work to do for a 3:00 presentation. I had paper jams, printers not found, software freezes, hardware sneezes, you name it. Despite all of the madness, I managed to get everything in order and was headed out the door when I couldn't find my damn car keys. I searched high and low for 15 minutes before I found 'em. All of this seemed to indicate that the stars were stacked against me. I really hate days like that.

As I was cursing under my breath and speeding across town on Sunrise Way (a 4 lane road with a 45mph limit), suddenly a little cocker spaniel darted out into the road and came within inches of someone's tires. Everyone screeched to a halt and I opened the car door, gave a little whistle and low and behold the bugger came right to me and jumped in the car.

I pulled over and contemplated my next move. Now what was I going to do? I had 4 (four!) minutes until my meeting and a wet scared pup lapping at my face. And so much for my clean sweater...

So I did what any of you would have done and tossed her back out on the sidewalk.

Aw, c'mon! You all know me better than that! Of course, I only had one option. I took her with me!

Now here's something you only learn by experience. But I'll pass this nugget along because ya never know when it's going to come in handy. If you're nervous about not being prepared or that the client might not like what you've got - take a cute little dog with you and explain to them how you just rescued her from certain death! Worked like a charm.

After the meeting it was time to deal with the issue at hand and locate Pogo's owner. I tried calling the number on the collar, but got no answer. Seeing a license on her, I took a swing by Animal Control to see if they had a record, but they had just closed. So I brought her home and tried the number again.

A very out of breath and somewhat frightened sounding older man answered. Turns out he's 95 years old, widowed twice and this little pooch is his whole world.

I happily reunited the two just a bit ago. Pogo seemed very happy to be home and Mr. K was on the verge of tears with gratitude. I love happy endings, don't you?

Today turned out to be a pretty darn good day after all. Thanks Pogo. I'm glad we were there for each other.

Whoa...

A 25' boulder blocking Topanga Canyon road. [link]
via the missus

And have you seen the CBS2 video of the La Conchita slide? Holy crap... the web streaming is terrible (and it doesn't work in Safari) but on the TV it looks so fluid, just like a river of mountain coming down. Say a prayer for those amazing search and rescue teams. It's going to be a long night.

Woot Woot!

All Aboard The Pineapple Express!

The lead story of the day? Weather. Rain to be specific. We've been getting pounded here with almost 2.5 inches of rain. That may not sound like a lot to some of you wet weather folks, but here in the desert that's almost half our annual rainfall. And it's causing big problems. The washes and flood control channels have turned into fast moving rivers with major road closures last night (Vista Chino, Ramon, Indian Canyon, Gene Autry). It doesn't look like it's going to ease up soon. We're supposed to get another big storm coming through tonight and tomorrow. As I am typing this it suddenly got very dark and I can hear the thunderstorm rolling in now... BOOM!

The weather was so crappy yesterday that the missus and I spent most of the day hibernating inside doing some painting chores and just staying warm and dry. Around 11:00pm our next door neighbor knocked on our door in a bit of a panic as the water was rising and threatening to flood their living room. I went over to see if I could help but not having a pump there wasn't much we would do. I came back to get a push broom out of my garage to try and move some of the water away from the house and discovered that my pool was about to overflow and the standing water on the patio had moved up to the garage and was about to go in. Shit. I suddenly had my own problems to deal with.

While our neighbor put in a call to the Al's (our neighbors up the street) to see if either of them had a pump I spent a good 20 minutes in the pouring rain sweeping water around in a lame attempt to thwart the flooding of my garage. Our angels arrived with West Side Al lending us his small pump for the standing water and East Side Al brought his high volume pool pump. We took about 3 inches off each of our pools, that should give us some breathing room to get through the next couple of days. Unfortunately the garage is pretty soggy, though not totally flooded. I think we're going to have to do some triage in there today.

Oh, and if I can get there, I guess I'll be going to Lowes to pick up a pump. And maybe some sand bags. In the desert... Who'd a thunk...

If you are out and about the area today - please drive carefully and don't attempt to cross the washes. I don't want to hear about you on the news.

From the Inbox

Here are a couple of chuckles that I received this morning:

The Daily Show - Samantha Bee: Tropical Repression
via the missus

Busty Mouse Pads - Like two soft pillows for your wrist.
via oddgirl

Ha! Hummer Bummer: '82 Jeep Scrambler rescues shiny new Hummer from 12" stump - Now THAT'S good! Here's the rest of the story.
via mefi

TGImp3F - The Meme Version

I saw this meme floating around and thought it would be a fun way to do the TGImp3F (though my host will probably cancel my account for this). It was actually harder than I thought, and some are repeats from Friday's past, but damn - there are some fine tunes here. Happy Friday all!

Theme Song: Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes - Jimmy Buffett

Best Friend: Friend of the Devil - Grateful Dead

Romantic Life: Tupelo Honey - Van Morrison

All-Time Favorite Song: Tangled Up in Blue - Bob Dylan

From the First Band You Ever Liked: I Am the Walrus - The Beatles (Magical Mystery Tour was my first album)

A Reminder of School Days: I Melt With You - Modern English

From Your First Concert: Whiskey River - Willy Nelson

The Prozac Alternative: I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones

Feel-Good Song: Rudie Can't Fail - The Clash

All About Sex: Drive - Melissa Ferrick

Reminder of Youth: Cecilia - Simon and Garfunkel

Your Favorite Season: Centerfield - John Fogerty

Breakup Song: Truth Hurt's (Don't It?) - Kristen Hall

Makes You Sad: Here Comes a Regular - The Replacements

Hope for the Future: Teach Your Children - CSN&Y

General View of the World: Skating Away - Jethro Tull

Song You Want Played At Your Funeral: Ripple - The Grateful Dead

all mp3s expire 7 days after posting - maybe sooner with this lot...

Anonymous Socks

A gentle reminder to always wear clean underwear and good socks. Because you just never know what wicked stranger might be wandering the ER triage area armed with a camera phone. I'm just sayin'...

Three of us spent a good 6 hours in the Eisenhower ER last night with a friend who had a severe sinus infection threatening to turn into meningitis and make his head explode right there in front of us! I kid, it was pretty serious and a little scary there for a while.

ER's are certainly not my favorite place to spend a Tuesday night, but we managed to keep ourselves quite entertained in the lobby.

I haven't been to the emergency in quite some time and I'd forgotten the myriad of ailments that walk through the doors. While the old folks were mildly entertaining with their lack of control over basic bodily functions (I was very impressed by one gentleman's ability to repeatedly fart and open mouth yawn at the same time, I wasn't sure which end the noise kept emanating from - quite a trick!) last night the stars of the show were definitely the vomiting children. I swear at least 8 came though the doors in various stages of regurgitation.

But being the true entrepreneurs that we are, we put our marketing heads together and came up with a plan to launch a line of toys that would make these poor children feel better about having to be in the hospital at 2:00 in the morning (because we care... that's why!).

Here's the pitch: (these are all proprietary by the way - with new and improved patent pending projectile technology)

Pukin' Patty and Chuckin' Charlie are sure to put a smile on little Lindsey's crusted cheeks. If that doesn't do the trick, there's always Vomiting Veronica, her gal pal Retching Rebecca and the ubiquitous boyfriend Hurlin' Harry. Not into flying fluids? How about my personal favorite: Ear Infection Emily - Her lifelike screams will bring tears to your eyes.

I know, I know - but trust me, it was fucking HILARIOUS at the time. You do what you have to do to get through the night. Even if it means 5 year old little chocolate donuts (correction: Donettes®) from the vending machine.

And who knew that Carson Daly had a frickin late night show? I hadn't seen him in a while and frankly, he looked a little pale on the circa 1978 console television . I think he needs more potassium. 50 cc's STAT!

Ah, but all's well that ends well. Our dear friend is still in a lot of pain but he'll live. He's currently home resting uncomfortably in a Vicodin induced haze because the morphine has worn off.

Nurse!

Weekend Report

Just an FYI: As a rule, instituted by myself as some of you might remember, almost one year ago to the day, I do not refer to people by name anymore unless it's been cleared with them. Also I've significantly curtailed my social commentary this past year because everyone in this town seems to have discovered this blog. However...

Friday Night NYE: Our friend JAMIE (did I mention his name is JAMIE!?! Yes, JAMIE! Our host, who was adorably disappointed when I did not mention him by name here on Christmas Eve when he threw yet another wonderful dinner party. His name is JAMIE! And he throws FABULOUS parties! We love JAMIE! Smooch!) threw a NYE party that was completely over the top fabulous and fun beyond compare.

Around 8:30 when I was getting dressed, I looked out across our backyard to see Klieg lights blazing our usually starry skies. There was no doubt in my mind where those lights were coming from. I knew then that this was going to be a party for the books and indeed, it was.

We were greeted at the gate by a gaggle of drag queens flinging one liners and sending the camp-o-meter over the edge. Armed with free samba lessons from our host earlier in the day we were ready to dance the night away. Yes, I now know how to Samba - frightening and true.

The place was packed. I would guessimate there were probably over 150-200 people there. As we squeezed our way to the backyard, I immediately went for the club soda first as I knew it was going to be a long night. Small glass of club soda quickly turned into large glass filled with mostly vodka being served by beautiful women and who was I to be rude and refuse? But I behaved, for the most part.

We mingled and caught up with some folks I'd not seen in a while, enjoyed the bountiful Brazilian buffet, did a little dancing (couldn't let those samba lessons go unapplied), watched some dancing (half naked women with huge er... head dresses shaking their bon bons) and marveled at the entire affair. Everyone was dressed to the nines and the place looked like a million bucks! Over the top boys. Over. The. Top. Loved it.

Thankfully the rain held off and everyone had a fantastic time. Many thanks to our wonderful host, Jamie! It was a great way to end the year.

Saturday: First thing in the morning the missus started walking around the house stripping any semblance of Christmas down. Her tradition is that as of New Years Day, Christmas is officially over and the lights, garlands, trees, etc. should be immediately packed away, not to be opened again until next Dec. 23rd at the earliest. I, however, prefer to enjoy the lingering of the holidays and like to pretend that the vacation will never end. We agreed to a compromise and leave a few remnants up. I spent the day lounging on the couch watching the Rose Bowl (hell of a game!) with a roaring fire. Perfect.

Sunday: We took a drive out to Desert Hot Springs to look at the 5 acres of land that a friend of ours purchased a couple of years ago. Damn. I wish I had been smart enough to do that. Her investment got me to thinking. I'd love to buy a small parcel somewhere and just sit on it for a while. Our friend has already been offered considerably more than what she paid for it. It's just sand and scrub, but with all the development going on, it's worth a pretty penny now. Hmm. "give me land, lots of land under starry skies above, don't fence me in..."

Back to the story at hand. We had a hell of a time finding it, when all you see are wide open spaces, trying to pick out 5 empty acres without a plat map is a bit of a challenge. But we eventually found the road and the parcel, took a nice walk around, spotted a roadrunner, picked up some trash someone had dumped, enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine, then made our way back to PS.

We ended up back at Spindlenfür's place where we found him baking brownies in a fit of domesticity. We sat outside overlooking the valley, chatting, eating brownies and drinking coffee until the sun set. I sooo didn't want the weekend to end.

Today it's back to pouring rain and a pile of work. Sigh. But it's a new year and who knows what lies ahead!

In Other News:

There's a coyote roaming our neighborhood, a big red fella who's already killed one of the neighbors cats. Of course this has everyone a bit on edge. It's not often that they venture this far into the residential areas but it happens.

One of our neighbor's, a weekender from LA, suggested we call animal control and I immediately thought to myself, Call them and tell them what? We live in a frickin' desert for pete's sake. There are coyotes everywhere. It comes with the territory ... literally!

But I did call A.C. this morning and just exactly as I thought, they won't respond. It's a wildlife refuge here so unless it's a nuisance (i.e. eats a small child or something, I suppose) Fish and Game won't respond either.

We just have to be cautious and aware and keep the cats inside until Big Red decides to mosey on along somewhere else... Now get a-long little doggie! Meep Meep!