Play Flip the Mole

Here's one for the "I'm not buying it" files... in so many ways.
So, you just happened to be walking along in Central Park and "noticed" some damage to one of The Gates. You just happen to have a pocket knife with you which you offer to a volunteer. You take pictures of "string" and then you pocket a fairly intact swatch and decide to sell it on eBay. Yeah. Right. And shame on whoever buys it.

Speaking of Gates items up on eBay, how about this scarf in which the sellers states "No doubt bidding will soar on this item once this exhibit enters the anals [sic] of New York City history."

More hilarious eBay feedback

ACK! Make it STOP!

Movie Time!
I feel GREAT!
4.1mb quicktime via ordinary morning

Give 'em the old razzle dazzle!
6.9mb quicktime

I, uh, don't really know what to say after that ...

MJ Answers: Hmm, I'd say bubble gum with a hint of blueberry pie ala mode.

Mmm... pie.

------

Another MJ asks:
On average, how many emails do you get from your readers weekly?

MJ Answers: Surprisingly, not very many considering how many people visit the site regularly. Maybe 10-15 average? I love, love, love getting mail from Fishwrap readers, but I'm notoriously horrible at replying. I tend to read my mail at night and promise myself to reply in the morning when I'm sober but then I get distracted by small shiny objects... It's a vicious, vicious cycle.

------

The Missus Asks:
How many drops of water are in the (Indian) Ocean?

MJ Answers: One. And it's very, very big. 70,086,000 mi³ to be exact.

------

The Missus also asks:
Why do we have so many cats?

MJ Answers: Because we can't eat them.

------

Greybird asks:
What exactly do you do for a living?

MJ Answers: I could tell you but then I would compromise my cover, and subsequently, our national security. And then the terrorists will win. No, seriously, I'm a freelance graphic designer, specializing in corporate identity and collateral design. At least that's what I'm supposed to tell people. No, seriously...

------

LA asks:
If two lesbians leave Los Angeles at 11am, and attempt to drive east at 60 miles per hour, but they are delayed by rain falling at a constant velocity of 9.8m/s2 and encounter varying amounts of traffic, with a variable velocity, how long SHOULD it take them to get to Palm Springs?

MJ Answers:
L=v(60)~r9.8/s2÷192=m>(airspeedvelocityofanunladensparrow)

For you non-mathy type people: 3.14 hours.

Mmm... pie.

------

Solonor asks:
Why did you think it was a great idea to make me think of a stupid question for you when you know all you'll get is a stupid question?

MJ Answers: Solly, there are no stupid questions, only stupid people. Thanks for asking!

---------

I have more questions to answer but I feel sleepy now...

Got a question? Go ahead Ask MJ Anything.

Ooooh. I was pissed. I'm just about to make a right hand turn into your typical strip mall when this asshole in a bright red H2 coming the other direction turns into the same drive and cuts me off.

Me = Honda CRV

He = 8500lb Chevy Tahoe Poseur.

I yielded.

Now normally I'd also honk and swear but then I saw it (er, them...) hanging from the hitch. And I couldn't stop laughing.

The dude had BALLS. Nads. Testicles. Yes, a matching bright red nut sac hanging off his hitch. See what I'm talking about? I laughed - oh how I laughed. What an idiot.

So when I came out of the store and saw it still there in the lot, I had to do it. I had to snap that pic of me flipin' off the H2. But while doing so, the owner (more like ower) about 50, balding, short, pudgy - of course, came out of the fucking DAIRY QUEEN, saw me with the camera phone, and he started smiling at me.

He thought I was admiring his big red polluting piece of shit with a sad little nut sac hanging off the back. But alas, I was mocking you. And I took great pleasure in it. So I smiled back at you knowingly. The only thing that would have brought me more pleasure at that moment would have been the opportunity to NEUTER the SOB. Snip... and I'd leave just enough behind to prove that no, they weren't stolen. You've been clipped. Heh.

In other news:
The Friday Fishwrap got a nice little plug in this weeks Desert Post Weekly. A big howdy to anyone finding their way here via the Desert Rat column. Kick your shoes off and stay while. If you're looking for the wedding story, it's over there on the right. But if you happen to be a middle aged little fella with a giant red H2 - Better watch your balls man...

*update: Mikey over at Hey Freak had a similar truck nuts run-in this weekend. I've decided I'm going to develop and market a special truck-nuts mohel tool (think bolt cutters) and build out a web site devoted to neutered vehicles. I could make a fortune!

Mmm. Beer.

Delores - Freedy Johnson

Hello Hopeville - Michelle Shocked

Star - Cracker

Party - Joan Jones

Knowhere - David Gray

Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield

Overkill (Acoustic) - Colin Hay

Diamonds on the Inside - Ben Harper

Ja Fun Mi - Sunny Ade

The Entertainer - Billy Joel

note: all mp3s expire 7 days after posting

In Other News:
PS in the NYTimes: Desert Cool, Hot From the 50's.

Thanks to LA (who was sent home with some reading material from me about these very houses, the girl does her homework) and my good friend William, who's husband, Mr. Parker is oft quoted, for forwarding the article to me yesterday.

It's okay, not great. I don't like the actual report when you click through because aside from the temperature, it's never accurate and it's very superficial. I much prefer WUnderground for actual forecasting and data. It may be butt ugly, but weather underground is usually spot on and has tons of historical data.

Graphically speaking? Weatherforyou.com has by far the best looking weather sticker I've seen out there. Small, compact and fairly well designed images: just the basic facts in a tight little package. All I really wanted was something that conveyed the message that 9 months out of the year, I live on the surface of the sun. Also, it doesn't slow down this page's load time (except of course for today, now that I've chosen to call the bastard out).

But this morning I discovered something that pisses me off. I'm pissed at the sticker and at myself for not realizing it sooner. You might ask, "But MJ, how could you be mad at a tiny little picture of a cloud? It's kind of cute isn't it?"

Because, unbeknownst to me, Weatherforyou.com IS AN EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN WEBSITE! Go ahead, look, click through (if you can). Right there at the bottom of the page it reads: "Like all things, this site belongs to Jesus Christ... He just trusts me to maintain it."

Uh, huh. It's flippin' weather in Jesus' name. Science for Jesus!

No don't get me wrong - I don't dislike Christians, or Christianity. No, not at all. I dislike proselytizing. And I guess I shouldn't be too mad because it took me forever to even notice it, but still... Isn't that even a bit worse? It's almost subliminal! I feel duped...

So, I begin my search anew. A good looking, fast, reliable weather sticker that doesn't help spread the word of God. And no - I don't do pixies. Grr.

In Other News:

Drat! Foiled Again!

FleaCircus

The perfect knife set for the angry gourmande.

Yes, anything. Email me any question and every few days or so I'll answer them right here on the old Friday Fishwrap (no, I'm not trolling for material - it's called dynamic reader generated content!) There's no limit to the number of questions you can ask and there's no deadline. Any question - any time.

So go ahead - Ask me.

please note: I reserve the right to refuse any question for any reason, you sicko's.

Where's the Kaboom? How to Destroy the Earth. Harder than one might think.
via presurfer

Everybody Dance Now! Dance white boy, dance!.
.wmv

New Car Smell is for Vegans. Mmm. Bacon!

Play Horse.

Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are a delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate freedom?
via fishbucket

In other news: Yup. Still raining. Sigh. Oh yeah, and somewhere's about the last month or so I hit the 6 year anniversary of the Friday Fishwrap. Jaysus, I need a hobby or something.

In the left channel "The Scientist" by Coldplay. In the right channel "Pieces" by Sum41.

ColdSum Mashup ColdPlay/Sum41

via mefi

Saturday Report
The infamous LA of Head-Rush and her lovely wife were visiting Los Angeles and decided to make a swing out to Palm Springs to hang with us for the day. Now I've only met a couple of bloggers before and even though they were all totally cool and awesome, I was still a little nervous. Once I opened the door and saw that they were... well, normal people, I knew we were going to hit it off. Aw c'mon, I mean ya just never know! We could have been the freaky Crazy Cat Ladies for all they knew (...shuddup.)

Seeing as it was raining and fairly miserable outside, we hung out by the fire at the house for a while and got to know each other in the real-time sense. It's always a little awkward at first. I mean, you get know a person through their blog (I've been reading LA for almost 3 years now...) and trying to meld that with the real live person is a strange experience at first. But any awkwardness I might have felt quickly passed as soon as we sat down. LA was just exactly as I had thought... hilarious, quick with the quip and fucking smart! And her wife is true gem; cute as a button and smart as a whip too! Nice catch LA ;)

The very NON-blogging Missus Fishwrap and Missus Head-Rush (D.) shared a kindred eye-rolling boredom as LA and I gossiped about blogs and bloggers (yes, you!), and what happens when your blog is outed to real time friends and family or god forbid, work.

After a couple of beers we took them a quick spin around town to give them a lay of the land before it got dark. In typical fashion whenever someone new comes to PS, I start spouting off obscure historical and architectural facts that only I would find interesting. I received a few "enough already" glances from the Missus - sorry 'bout that guys.

Once we finished up the five minute-five dollar tour, we headed off to happy hour at one of my favorite places, The Falls Martini Bar. I had a feeling that LA and D. would like this place. In addition to the titled martini's, they have a great wine list, a nice cigar menu and good bar food to boot. We ordered our drinks and LA and I quickly fired up our cigars. It felt totally comfortable and familiar, like we all had known each other for years. Nice.

My buddy Stone showed up to mix it up a bit. I was a little nervous about that too as he's a 32 yr. old straight dood (emphasis on Dood) with a mohawk and tattoos over 75% of his body. But he's hard not to like once you get to know him. We even got our geek on and did a little Moblogging (over there on the right of the page for those of you new to the class).

I fear I kept them too long as they were supposed to be back in LA for dinner, but as happens, time slipped away and there was no way they were going to make it. They didn't seem too concerned though...

I'm totally psyched for LA and D. to eventually make the move out to California. I hope they know they now have two good friends in Palm Springs when the time comes. Thanks for making the drive out guys! I had a blast. Let's do it again in April, only next time, we'll come to you and I'm picking up the goddamn check (Grrr.)!

Sunday Report: The Manhattans from the night before had me feeling a wee bit fuzzy when I woke up (why, why do I think a night cap [or two] is always such a great idea?!) so I decided I needed a hearty breakfast. I made a massive stack of blueberry pancakes and the Missus and I enjoyed breakfast in bed. In fact, we never left the bed all day except when physically necessary. It was dreary and rainy and the perfect day to just lounge around and watch the trite but addictive Project Runway marathon.

A great end to a great weekend. But it's still raining and I'm so OVER IT! This is the fucking desert for pete's sake. If I wanted this much rain I'd still be in SF! I'm starting to get that seasonal disorder ... whatever it's called. I need some sunshine, stat! Nurse!

So long Dr. Gonzo, and thanks for the ride.

I was first introduced to Hunter S. Thompson, as most of us who grew in the 70's and 80's, though his literary masterpiece "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" (illustrations by the brilliant Ralph Steadman) - FNL is book that captivated me in my late teens. My friends and I certainly had our fair share of Gonzo moments back in the day. My well worn paperback copy, missing it's cover, sits right here on my shelf.

While Johnny Depp did a fantastic job in the film version of FNL, delving into the darker side of HST, my favorite semi biographical movie is "Where the Buffalo Roam" starring Bill Murray as HST and Peter Boyle as Carl Lazlo, Esq. (a.k.a. Oscar Zeta Ascota). Loosely based on "The Great Shark Hunt" and filmed in 1980 it's a little crude and rough, but it's brilliant. Bill Murray and Peter Boyle are at the top of their game, capturing the truly insane, fun, over the top, grab life by the balls and run, spirit that first captivated in me, and the writing is pure Gonzo (interviewing Richard Nixon at the urinal... classic.) The film closes with HST at his Colorado compound, pacing around with a pistol and a bottle of Wild Turkey. I think I'm going to have to dig out the tape and watch it again.

Sympathique - Pink Martini

note: all mp3s expire 7 days after posting

So I am waiting until the mail issue is resolved then I'm switching hosts. My question is - any recommendations? I don't need a dedicated server, shared hosting is fine, and long as they have a reliable uptime track record. My current host says 99.9% uptime but I can tell you that's a crock of shit. I'd like a decent amount of storage and bandwidth, MySQL and some real genuine guaranteed uptime. Is that so much to ask?

The best deal I've found so far is DreamHost. They might be overselling a bit (2400MB storage and 120GB monthly transfer for only $7.95 - yeah, that's overselling) but I've not found any real negative feedback about them. Do you have horror stories about them? Are there others I should consider? Feedback please... Muchas gracias amigos.

In the mean time, I'm enjoying, in much the same way one enjoys shoving bamboo shoots under their fingernails, the task of performing a full backup of everything I've got jammed up on their servers. Since the aforementioned shit-for-brains host has taken to closing my FTP connection after a mere 800kb of transfer, this shouldn't take more than, oh a week or so... Joy.

In Other News: It's a big weekend here in old PS. The Palm Springs Modernism Show starts tonight and runs all weekend, many other modern living/loving related events also running concurrently. It's also the kick off of the Riverside County Fair and Date Festival, though I think I'll save that for next weekend. Should be fun! Oh yeah and there's a chance I might get to meet the one and only LA Rush tomorrow. Unfortunately it's pouring rain so she probably won't get an accurate impression of the normally sunny paradise that is our little hamlet we call home. I'll still do my best to be a good will ambassador and show her and her clan how the natives live! Yes, that definitely involves cocktails...

Maybe this isn't news to you but while perusing this very cool site (via j-walk) about the history of our US currency, it dawned on my that not one of these bills carried the motto "In God We Trust." Huh.

This got me to wondering. I had no idea when "In God We Trust" was first introduced. A quick Google and there was my answer. (sort of, leave it to the government to get a few of the dates wrong).

"In God We Trust" first appeared on some, but not all, of our coins around 1865, the result of a religious backlash to the Civil War.

In 1955 President Eisenhower signed Public Law 140 requiring the phrase to appear on all currrency, coin and paper. In 1956 Eisenhower signed Public Law 851 declaring IN GOD WE TRUST the national motto of the United States, tossing out our previous national motto "E Pluribus Unum," or "Out of Many, One."

The phrase "In God We Trust" went into circulation on our paper currency on October 1, 1956. As a side note, just two years earlier (1954) Eisenhower signed into law an act that added "Under God" to our pledge of allegiance.

And now you know. At any rate, show me the money! Check out this 1934 $100,000.00 bill! I feel dizzy.

Just Wrong Wrong Wrong: Light-up Clothing.
via presurfer

My name's Bill. I'm lost. Funny little flash cartoon.

The Great Key West Chicken Debate.

I want one! Tone Ladder. Select "demo-MOVIES" to see them in action. Sweeet...

God awful intro, but here's a very in-depth guide to the different genres of electronic music. So now you can tell the difference between 90's Detroit House, Eurobeat and Liquid Funk.

And I'll leave you with this...

The Smoking Gun Presents: Foxy Felons. "These gals are ready to steal your heart - - and your car stereo!" Foxy Felons II

One year ago today, the Missus and I boarded an Alaska Air flight to San Francisco, embarking on a journey neither of us could have ever imagined. Little did we know what adventures, tortures, hilarity and misery were ahead of us.

Despite the spending 36 hours in the bitter cold and the pouring rain on the steps in front of City Hall, despite all of the interminable waiting, despite the sadly inevitable court ordered annulment of over 4000 marriage licenses, despite knowing that we still have a long, long way to go, I said it then and I'll say it again, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

So here's a toast to everyone who made that experience possible; Gavin Newsom, Mabel Teng, Mark Leno, the City and County Clerk employees, the hundreds of volunteers, all of the other couples, our friends and family who have always supported us (a special shout out to our partners in crime Staz and The Engineer, Jennie and Leah, Kelly and Hogan, Oddgirl, Dana, and Anna and Hillary for being right there with us in the cold and rain!), all of the people who brought us warm food, Krispy Kremes, flowers, the strangers who stood with us in solidarity, to everyone out there who saw what was happening in SF on TV and smiled - knowing history was being made, to the ones who sent flowers to anonymous couples, this entire online community and to all of you who left such kind and loving words in my little comment box, and to my wife... To all of you I say...

Happy Anniversary, and Thank You!

The Announcement

The Whole Story

The Pictures

Cheers - MJ and the Missus